Net Miles Of Smiles

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband’s libido.

“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor.

“Not a chance,” she said. “He won’t even take an aspirin.”

“Not a problem,” replied the doctor “Give him an “Irish Viagra”. It’s when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went”

It wasn’t a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!”

“Really? What happened?” asked the doctor.

“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”

“Why so terrible?” asked the doctor, “Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?”

“Twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years! But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!”

Comments (0) Jul 10 2008

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these
blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid so, she
decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to
paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her
husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka
and a leather jacket at the same time.

He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what
she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all
blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She

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Comments (0) Jul 10 2008

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1. My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait till we get home.”

..

2. My Mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You going get a ass’n when we get home!”

..

3. My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE.
“What di backside yu thinkin’? Answer me when me talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”

..

4. My Mother taught me CONSEQUENCES.
“If yu run cross de road an’ Kyar lick yu dung, a goin’ kill yu wid lick.”

..

5. My Mother taught me THE VALUE OF EDUCATION.
“If yu no go a school, yu a go tun tief or walk an’ pick up bokkle.”

..

6. My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If yu kip on a tun over yu eye lid an’ fly pitch pan it, it a go stay suh fi evva.”

..

7. My Mother taught me ESP.
“Yu tink a don’t know what yu up to, nuh?”

..

8. My Mother taught me HUMOR.
“If yu don’ eat food, breeze goin’ blow yu weh.”

..

9. My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT.
“Come an’ tek yu beatin’ like a man.”
..

10. My Mother taught me about SEX.
“Yu tink say yu drop from sky?”

..

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Comments (0) Jul 10 2008

She was Soooooooo Blonde .
* She thought a quarterback was a refund.
* She thought General Motors was in the army.
* She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
* At the bottom of an application where it says “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.”

..

She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
* She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
* Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”

..

She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She tripped over a cordless phone.
* She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate.”
* She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”
* She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

..

She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
* She studied for a blood test.
* She sold the car for gas money.
* When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
* When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.

..

She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

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Comments (0) Jul 10 2008

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first
class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a
tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to
fifteen seconds. The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue,
wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.? Assuming
that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious
about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking
ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and
said, “I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve sneezed three times,
wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?”

“I am sorry if I disturbed you, but I have a very rare medical
condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.”

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. “I have
never heard of that condition before” he said.? “Are you taking
anything for it?”

The woman smiled and nodded, “Pepper”!

Comments (0) Jul 10 2008

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold this hat.”

“But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in

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Comments (0) Jul 10 2008