Net Miles Of Smiles

What you don’t do today, you’ll regret tomorrow!!!!

Always live life to the fullest!!!

– Anonymous

Comments (0) Jul 13 2008

Biblical Theme Songs

Noah: “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head”
Adam and Eve: “Strangers in Paradise”
Lazarus: “The Second Time Around”
Esther: “I Feel Pretty”
Job: “I’ve Got a Right to Sing the Blues”
Moses: “The Wanderer”
Jezebel: “The Lady is a Tramp”
Samson: “Hair”Salome: “I Could Have Danced All Night”
Daniel: “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
Esau: “Born To Be Wild”
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: “Great Balls of Fire!”
The Three Kings: “When You Wish Upon a Star”
Jonah: “Got a Whale of a Tale”
Elijah: “Up, Up, and Away”
Methuselah: “Stayin’ Alive”
Nebuchadnezzar: “Crazy”

——-

Car Accident

As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald’s one day,
we passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that,
we say a prayer for those who might be hurt,
so I pointed and said to my son, “We should pray.”

From the back seat I heard his earnest request:
“Please, God, don’t let those cars block the entrance to McDonald’s.”

——-

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal
its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow
a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him “.

——-

Little Benjamin came running into the kitchen where his mother was working.
“Mom, can I please change my name right now?” he asked.
“But why would you want to do that?” replied his mom.
“Because Dad said he’s going to spank me as sure as my
name’s Benjamin!”

——-

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to
see each child’s work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she
asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks
like.”

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, “They will in a minute.”

——-

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all
grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s
Michael, He’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the
teacher, she’s dead.”

——-

A man is drinking in a bar when a nun harasses him about drinking. In self-defense the man says, “Who told you that drinking is bad?”

Nun : Mother Superior told me.

Man : So, have you ever tried it?

Nun : No, I haven’t ever taken a drink of hard liquor.

Man : Well, don’t criticize me if you haven’t tried it. I’ll tell you what if you try it and don’t like it, I’ll give up drinking for life.

Nun : Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don’t want people thinking I’m drinking. The man goes up to the bartender and says, “Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.”

The bartender looked at the man and said, “Is that nun in here again?”

——-

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped,
turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,
” explained the Flight Attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”

——-

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush.

He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you’re not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”

——-

Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a friendly,
jovial man, but there was one subject you didn’t dare discuss in
front of him: his height, or rather, his lack of it. He was very short
and apparently sensitive about the subject.
One day he stormed through the kitchen doors and announced
angrily, “Someone just picked my pocket!”
Everyone was speechless, except for one waitress who couldn’t
help herself as she blurted out, “How could anyone stoop so low?!”

——-

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps : “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator says : “Calm down, can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says : “Ok, now what?”

——-

Chances of my recovering

A patient was suffering from a disease and he was badly in trouble so he went to the doctor and asked:

Patient : “what are the chances of my recovering doctor?”

Doctor : “one hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

——-

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.

He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, “Do you take this man to be your husband.” And she said, “I do.”

Then the minister asked my Dad, “Do you take this woman to be your wife,” and my Mom said, “He does.”

Comments (2) Jul 13 2008

Many people like me feel slightly passed over in a world that seems to place a high value on beauty. But a short poem by Anthony Ewell reminds us that physical attractiveness can be over-rated. He writes:

“As a beauty I am not a great star,
There are others more handsome by far.
But my face, I don’t mind it,
For I am behind it,
It’s the people in front who get the jar!”

Physically, maybe I’m not the stuff dreams are made of. And maybe, as the poem suggests, it doesn’t matter. Because I believe there is another kind of beauty in all of us that can be experienced by anybody who digs a little deeper.

Several times I have visited a natural wonder that is one of the largest and most spectacular of its kind in the world. Carlsbad Caverns is an immense series of limestone caves extending under much of southern New Mexico (USA). Native Americans took refuge in the gaping hole that is the main entrance, but they did not venture far. A hundred years ago settlers in the area were attracted to the opening by the awesome sight of hundreds of thousands of bats swarming from the hole every summer evening. Though a bat guano mining operation was set up, nobody explored much beyond the bat’s dwelling places.

Eventually, a cowboy name Jim White explored deeper. He returned with fantastic

Read More

Comments (0) Jul 13 2008

We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other.

If you are always there for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.

~ Jeff Warner

Comments (0) Jul 13 2008

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:

“TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.”

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

“TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE.”

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, ‘AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?’

THE FRIEND REPLIED
‘WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHE RE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT.’

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

IT IS SAID THAT

A HEART FILLED WITH ANGER

HAS NO ROOM FOR LOVE.

Comments (0) Jul 13 2008