Net Miles Of Smiles

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went. She
would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing
and drinking on Saturday nights.

Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor,the parrot would yell,
“The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don’t need no water-let
the mutha !@!#! burn! Burn, mutha !@!#! , burn!”

The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in
appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot
yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild.

This would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out. One
Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir
stand with her.

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Comments (0) Jul 16 2008

Reasons to Date a Microbiologist
- We do everything 10x 40x 100x bigger and better
- Size doesn’t matter
- We know the meaning of complement
- We always wear protection and use sterile technique
- We can run our own pregnancy and STD tests
- We do it on a stage
- We don’t wear anything under our lab coats

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Comments (0) Jul 16 2008

A man making the bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to serve him and told him he should go home.

Man : My wife will kill me.

Bartender : Take her some candy.

Man : She is on a diet.

Bartender : Take her some flowers.

Man : She has allergies.

Bartender : Tell her a poem.

Man : She loves poems… But I don’t know any.

Bartender : Here is one for you. The Bartender recites:

YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE
-”Shakespeare”

Man : I can handle that. So walking home the man was reciting to
himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to find his keys. So he knocks on the door.

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Comments (0) Jul 16 2008

A dumb blonde was standing in front of a soda machine outside of a local store.

After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!

She continued to do this until a man waiting to use the machine became impatient.

“Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever stupid thing you are doing?”

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Comments (0) Jul 16 2008

The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
“No sir,” little Johnny replies,
I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook.”

Comments (0) Jul 16 2008

1. Hotel ~ My momma said that she ain’t gon tell her friend Shaqueta nothing else, cause that Hotel everythang she know.

2. Honor-Roll ~ We was playing bidwiz on the stoop the other day and man, I was Honor roll

3. Planet ~ Leroy got arrested cause he got him some seed to grow weed, and he Planet in the backyard.

4. Dismay ~ I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a needle and said Dismay hurt a little.

5. Omelette ~ I should punch you for what you jes said but Omelette it go dis time…

6. Stairway ~ Getting high is stupid. It makes you Stairway into space….

7. Mobile ~ I went to buy some food, I was short on cash, and my girl said gimme one Mobile.

8. Afro ~ I got so mad at my girl, Afro a lamp at her.

9. Aftermath ~ I don’t feel like being at school today so Aftermath, I’m out.

10. Locket ~ I slam the door so hard, I Locket.

11. Domineering ~ My girl’s birthday was yesterday, so I got her a Domineering.

12. Kenya ~ I needed money for the subway, so I axe a stranger Kenya spare some change.

13. Derange ~ Derange is where da deer and da antelope play.

14. Data ~ At my basketball game, I scored thirty points My coach say Data boy.

15. Beware ~ I asked the man at the unemployment office, “is this Beware I can get a job?”

16. Dimension ~ I be tall, dark, handsome and not Dimension smart.

17. Decide ~ My boy frontin’ like he love his girl but eribody know he got a couple of chicks on Decide…

Comments (2) Jul 16 2008