Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: account, age, air, attorney, bank, belief, cemetery, check, child, class, college, companion, couple, dad, dog, education, elderly, era, faith, farmer, father, fool, funds, funny, ghost, granny, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, idea, ideas, idiot, jokes, journey, language, laughter, law, lawyer, learning, loan, magazine, Mathematics, money, morning, moron, mother, obituary, parents, partner, period, program, reading, redhead, result, road, rules, seniors, smiles, son, spouse, storm, stupid, success, teacher, teaching, time, travel, trust, tutor, voice, wife, wind, words
A young farm lad from North Iowa goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. “Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at Iowa State that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!”
“That’s absolutely amazing,” his father says. “How do I get him in that program?”
“Just send him down here with $1,000″ the boy says. “I’ll get him into the course.” So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000. About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.
“So how’s Ole Blue doing, son,” his father asks.
“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this - they’ve had such good results with this program that they’ve implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!”
“READ,” says his father, “No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that program?”
Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.” His father sends the money.
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Jul 17 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, man, wife, woman
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter.”
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
God said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of
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Jul 17 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: boss, child, computer, cop, drunk, employee, fireman, funny, helicopter, hilarious, home, job, jokes, laughter, parents, plane, policeman, sheriff, voice, work
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned
in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main
computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was
greeted with a child’s whisper.
..
“Hello.”
..
“Is your daddy home?” he asked.
..
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
..
” May I talk with him?”
..
The child whispered, “No.”
..
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is
your Mommy there?”
..
“Yes.”
..
“May I talk with her?”
..
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
..
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the
boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”
..
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman”
..
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the
boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
..
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Jul 17 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, bean, beans, boy, companion, cop, couple, court, dad, elderly, era, exam, father, food, fruit, fruits, funny, girl, grand-dad, granny, hilarious, history, humor, husband, jail, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, man, Mathematics, mother, mother-in-law, officer, partner, patrolman, peas, period, police, prison, quiz, robber, rules, seniors, sheriff, smiles, son, sound, spouse, surprise, test, thief, time, trick, trooper, vegetable, vegetables, veggie, veggies, voice, wife, woman, words
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, “What did you steal?”
She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, “I will give you 6 days in jail.”
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman’s husband spoke up
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Jul 17 2008
Posted: under Daily Quotes.
“Never take someone for granted.
Hold every person close to your heart
because you might wake up one day
and realize that you’ve lost a diamond
while you were too busy collecting stones……”
~ Reeka
Jul 17 2008