Net Miles Of Smiles

New Thoughts From Blondes

Two Blondes With Hammers… Sue and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Sue, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?” Sue explained, “When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.” Donna got completely upset and yelled, “You moron! Those nails aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”

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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see “Closed for the Winter.”

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A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. “How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her. “Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied. “What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?” “No, Silly” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I’m not shooting myself in the chest.” “So then?” asked the doctor. “Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, “I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.” “So then?” “Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: “This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.”

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Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage, and three blondes were stuck on the escalator for more than four hours.

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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she

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Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down, torrential downpour.

There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, “The weather out there is terrible.” To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?”

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

You guys may or may not have seen this before, but it’s cute and true!

The Guys’ Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys’ side of the story.
( I must admit, it’s pretty good.)
We always hear ‘ the rules ‘
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered ‘1′
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it.
That’s what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are.
Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it
yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say

during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither
do
we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also
a
fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing,’ We will
act
like nothing’s wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect
an
answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear
is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun
formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like
camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

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‘Life is short, so forgive quickly, Believe slowly, Love truly, Laugh
uncontrollably. Never regret anything that makes you happy, and have a
wonderful journey!!!’

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

Don’t cheat, If you are honest, this tells the truth. It’s pretty good. Write your answers on a piece of paper,
and NO cheating!! The answers are at the bottom.

1. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, or yellow?

2. Your first initial?

3. Your month of birth?

4. Which color do you like more, black or white?

5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

6. Your favorite number?

7. Do you like Flying or Driving more?

8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).

When you’re done, scroll down. (Don’t cheat!)
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Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

Isn’t it strange…
how a 20 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church,
but such a small amount when you go shopping?

Isn’t it strange…
how 2 hours seem so long when you’re at church,
and how short they seem when you’re watching a good movie?

Isn’t it strange…
that you can’t find a word to say when you’re praying,
but you have no trouble thinking what to talk about with a friend?

Isn’t it strange…
how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible,
but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel or ZANE GREY book?

Isn’t it strange…
how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games,
but they do whatever is possible to sit in the last row at Church?

Isn’t it strange…
how we need 2-3 weeks to include a church event in our agenda,
but we can adjust our schedule for other events at the last minute?

Isn’t it strange…
how difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others;
but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?

Isn’t it strange…
how we believe everything that magazines and newspapers say,
but we question the words in the Bible?

Isn’t it strange…
how everyone wants a place in heaven,
but they don’t want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

Isn’t it strange…
how we send jokes in e-mails and they are forwarded right away,
but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?

IT’S STRANGE ISN’T IT?

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

A very humorous and revealing story is told about a group of white people who were fed up with African Americans, so they joined together and wished themselves away.
They passed through a deep dark tunnel and emerged in sort of a twilight zone where there is an America without black people.

At first, these white people breathed a sigh of relief.

‘At last’, they said, ‘no more crime, drugs, violence and welfare.’

All of the blacks have gone! Then suddenly, reality set in. The ‘NEW AMERICA’ is not America at all - only a barren land.

1. There are very few crops that have flourished because the nation was built on a slave-supported system.

2. There are no cities with tall skyscrapers because Alexander Mils, a black man, invented the elevator, and without it, one finds great difficulty reaching higher floors.

3. There are few if any cars because Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift, Joseph Gambol, also black, invented the Super Charge System for Internal Combustion Engines, and Garrett A. Morgan, a black man, invented the traffic signals.

4. Furthermore, one could not use the rapid transit system because its procurer was the electric trolley, which was invented by another black man, Albert R. Robinson.

5. Even if there were streets on which cars and a rapid transit system could operate, they were cluttered with paper because an African American, Charles Brooks, invented the street sweeper.

6. There were few if any newspapers, magazines and books because John Love invented the pencil sharpener, William Purveys invented the fountain pen, and Lee Barrage invented the Type Writing Machine and W. A. Love invented the Advanced Printing Press. They were all, you guessed it, Black.

7. Even if Americans could write their letters, articles and books, they would not have been transported by mail because William Barry invented the Postmarking and Canceling Machine, William Purveys invented the Hand Stamp and Philip Downing invented the Letter Drop.

8. The lawns were brown and wilted because Joseph Smith invented the Lawn Sprinkler and John Burr the Lawn Mower.

9. When they entered their homes, they found them to be poorly ventilated and poorly heated. You see, Frederick Jones invented the Air Conditioner and Alice Parker the Heating Furnace. Their homes were also dim. But of course, Lewis Lattimer later invented the Electric Lamp, Michael Harvey invented the lantern, and Granville T. Woods invented the Automatic Cut off

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Comments (0) Jul 20 2008