Net Miles Of Smiles

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given
their new wives duties.

The 1st man had married an Asian woman

and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple of days but on the 3rd day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

The 2nd man had married a White woman.

He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the 1st day he didn’t see any results, but the next day it was better. By the 3rd day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The 3rd man married a Black woman.

He boasted that he had told her that her duties were to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the 1st day he didn’t’ see anything, the 2nd day he didn’t see anything but by the 3rd day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye; enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.

Gotta love those Black women!!!!

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

TICK WARNING!

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings; I have

even done it myself a couple times unintentionally. ..but this one is real, and it’s important.

So please send this warning to everyone on your e- mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up,

DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.

I wish I’d gotten this yesterday.
I feel so stupid!

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

Tips on love, from those who should know. All questions were answered by kids, ages 5-10.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Eighty-four, because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy,

“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen,

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne,

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” (Dave,

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ is on television.” (Anita, 6)

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.”(Bobby,

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.”(Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.”(Ava,

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad,

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” (Randy,

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy one in every colour.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt… A wedge of lime, and a shot of
tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I’m on it and so far I’ve lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and
deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just
your personality.

8. I know I’m in my own little world, but it’s ok. They know me
here..

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don’t get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing; and makes
you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2008 - turn it into lemonade then
mix it with vodka.

12. Remember every good looking; sweet, single male is someone
else’s ex-boyfriend!

Now smile and send to any girl wasting time at work, suffering from
a hangover,
or just suffering from work, that might need a reason to smile!

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Mc Cain were
flying to a debate.

Barack looked at Hillary, Chuckled and said, ‘You know I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.’

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, ‘I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window
and make ten people very happy.’

John added, ‘That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.’

Read More

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008

A Sharp tongue can cut my own throat.

If I want my dreams to come true, I mustn’t oversleep.

Of all the things I wear, my expression is the most important.

The best vitamin for making friends…. B1.

The happiness of my life depends on the quality of my thoughts.

The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge.

One thing I can give and still keep…is my word.

If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished.

One thing I can’t recycle is wasted time.

Ideas won’t work unless ‘I ‘ do.

My mind is like a parachute…it functions only when open.

The 10 commandments are not a multiple choice.

* * * * * *

Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we’ve let them fly away. Sometimes we are so caught up in who’s right and who’s wrong that we forget what’s right and wrong. Sometimes we just don’t realize what real friendship means until it is too late.

Comments (0) Jul 20 2008