Net Miles Of Smiles

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said “I don’t think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat.”

“Is the man of the house home?”, they asked.

“No”, she replied. “He’s out.”

“Then we cannot come in”, they replied.
In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened.
“Go tell them I am home and invite them in!”
The woman went out and invited the men in”

“We do not go into a House together,” they replied.

“Why is that?” she asked.

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Comments (0) Jul 28 2008

Someday when my children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will
tell them, as my Mean Mom told me: I loved you
enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom,
and what time you would be home.

I loved you enough to be silent and let you
discover that your new best friend was a creep.

I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours
while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15
minutes.

I loved you enough to let you see anger,
disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must
learn that their parents aren’t perfect.

I loved you enough to let you assume the
responsibility for your actions even when the
penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.

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Comments (0) Jul 28 2008

Joke from a friend…..

How To Stop People Bugging You About Getting Married!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and crackling,
telling me ” You are Next.”

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Comments (0) Jul 28 2008

A 17 year-old Jamaican girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for the last two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the pharmacy and buys a pregnancy test. Confirming her worst fears, the test result is positive. Shouting, swearing and crying, the Mother says, “Which man do dis to you? Mi need fi know now!”

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a BMW X5 pulls up in front of their house; a dapper looking man dressed in an Armani suit steps out and walks to the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother, & the girl and tells them: “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the situation. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, and of course mi wife, but I’ll take charge.

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Comments (0) Jul 28 2008

A lady bought a new Lexus. It cost her a bundle. Two days later, she took it back to the dealer,
complaining that the radio was not working. “Madam”, said the Sales Manager, “the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and that’s exactly what you will hear. It’s a marvelous feature!

“She drove out, amazed and slightly confused. She looked at the radio and said “Nelson.” The radio responded, “Ricky or Willie?” Soon, she was speeding down the highway to the sounds of “On The Road Again.” The lady was astounded!!

If she said “Beethoven”; that’s what she got. If she said “Nat King Cole”, she got it. If she said “Frank Sinatra” she immediately heard him crooning.

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Comments (0) Jul 28 2008

TAKE A PEEK AT WHAT SOME OF US HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO!‏

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you’re it.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

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Comments (0) Jul 28 2008