Net Miles Of Smiles

A man wanted to get married.
He was having trouble choosing
among three likely candidates.
He gives each woman a present of $5,000
and watches to see what they do
with the money.

The first does a total make-over.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon,
gets her hair done, new make-up
and buys several new outfits,
then dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this
to be more attractive for him
because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of golf clubs,
some new gizmos for his computer,
and some expensive clothes.
As she presents these gifts,
she tells him that she has spent
all the money on him
because she loves him so much

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000.
She gives him back his $5,000
and reinvests the remainder
in a joint account.
She tells him that she wants to save
for their future
because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time
about what each woman had done
with the money he’d given her.

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Comments (0) Aug 01 2008

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.

On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he’s getting sentimental because they’re celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, “No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.”

“Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he’d have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn’t marry you. Tomorrow I would’ve been a free man!”

Comments (0) Aug 01 2008

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. ‘If you had ten dollars,’ said the teacher, ‘and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?’

‘Ten,’ said Little Johnny firmly.

‘Ten?’ the teacher said ‘How do you make it ten?’

‘Well,’ replied Little Johnny ‘You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn’t mean you’ll get it!’

Comments (0) Aug 01 2008

Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church.
He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid
to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so
the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the
tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the kitten.

That’s what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car. He
then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent
sufficiently for him to reach the kitten. But as he moved the car a little
further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went “boing!” and the kitten instantly sailed through the air
-out of sight.

The pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking
people if they’d seen a little kitten. No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten.
So he prayed, “Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,” and went on
about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church
members. He happened to look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see

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Comments (0) Aug 01 2008

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had
a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up with nice picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach
trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been
there for a while, and looks it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to
bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As
he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his
pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

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Comments (0) Aug 01 2008

A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.
He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day,
whereas women use 20,000 words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband
that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything
they say.

Her husband looked stunned. He said “What?”

Comments (0) Aug 01 2008