Net Miles Of Smiles

Here’s an example of the game…

I would start and say:
He said
Honey, what’s for dinner tonight?

Another person would say:

She said:
“You’re taking me out!”

Another person:

He said:
“Where would you like to eat?”

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Comments (0) Aug 02 2008

A motorist was caught in an automated speed trap. His
speed was measured by a radar machine and his car was automatically
photographed. In a few days he received a ticket for $40 in the mail along with
a picture of his automobile. As payment, he sent the police department a
snapshot of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police. It
contained another picture — of handcuffs!

Comments (0) Aug 02 2008

A young woman wasn’t feeling well, and asked one of her co-workers to recommend a physician.

“I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that.”

The woman went to the doctor’s office and trying to save a little money, cheerily announced.

“I’m back!”

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Comments (0) Aug 02 2008

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice ” I’d like to try the bet”

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

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Comments (0) Aug 02 2008

Rodney Dangerfield - One-Liners!

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won’t drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I
went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, “Are
you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate
myself now.”

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That’s when
you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

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Comments (2) Aug 02 2008

Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of good. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other (Romans 12:9-10 NLV).

Comments (0) Aug 02 2008