Net Miles Of Smiles

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?” “Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday. The dryer is unopened and well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you dear but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father no one will question you.”

When they reached the Customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked : “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked again, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father.”

Comments (0) Aug 03 2008

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.

“My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?”

“It was terrible,” her husband said, “The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking.”

Comments (0) Aug 03 2008

A plane was enroute to the United States when the pilot announced that due to a technical fault on the plane, he was going to crash and that it was less likely that there would be any survivors.
On hearing the news, all aboard started screaming for help. A reverend aboard shouted “Oh Lord save me.” Suddenly, he vanished into thin air.

A woman sitting close to him also shouted “OH LORD save me” and she also disappeared from the plane. Sure enough, all aboard started screaming the same words “Oh Lord save me” and were all vanishing like the vanishing man.

An Arab aboard saw what was happening and also screamed “OH LORD SHAVE ME” suddenly, all the hair on his head disappeared but he was still in the plane. He thought that he had not screamed hard enough so shouted again “OH LORD SHAVE ME”. This time all of his beard was gone… but he was still on the plane — crash bound.

He gathered all the strength he could muster and shouted “Oh Lord shave me!”
This time, all the hair in his armpit was gone. He realized that if he spoke again, some hairs somewhere else might also disappear… so he thought it would be better to crash and die than lose one’s dignity.
He woke up running scared and realized it was all a dream.

Comments (0) Aug 03 2008

“Please, Your Honor, I’d like to be excused from jury duty,” pleaded an
anxious-looking man.
“Why should I excuse you?” asked the judge.
“You see, I owe a man fifty dollars, and he’s leaving in a few hours for a post
abroad.
He’ll be there for years and I want to catch him before he leaves,
for it may be my last chance to repay him.”
“Excused,” stated the judge coldly. “We don’t want anyone on the jury who can
lie like that.”

Comments (0) Aug 03 2008

“Hello, Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.”

“Would you spell that, please?”

“Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A
as in are. Y as in you.”

“Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with my supervisor.”

Comments (0) Aug 03 2008

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.”

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passers-by would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative. He would inscribe, “Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.”

“That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark, ‘That’s Strange.‘

Comments (0) Aug 03 2008