Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, “What are all those clocks?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”
“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s,” replied St. Peter. “The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s my congressman’s clock?” asked the man.
“It’s in my office. I’m using it as a ceiling fan!”
Aug 04 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: computer, funny, hilarious, jokes, money
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too
old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For
those of us (like me) who sometimes get flustered by our computers,
please read on…
+++++++++
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous
sketch, “Who’s on First?” might have turned out something like this:
+++++++++
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking
about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Read More
Aug 04 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo said, “About a thousand feets, unless somebody locks the gate at night!”
Aug 04 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
A guy walks into a dentist’s office and flops right down on the couch.
“Doc”, he says, “Here’s the problem. I think I’m a moth”
“Well”, says the doctor, “That certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist’s office?”
“The light was on.”
Aug 04 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: cat, cemetery, child, dumb, earth, eyes, fish, fool, funny, garden, ghost, humor, idiot, jokes, laughter, neighbor, short, smiles, youth
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, “What are you doing, Tim?”
“My goldfish died,” replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. “I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned. “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your dumb cat.”
Aug 04 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: age, boss, elderly, employee, employer, funny, heart, humor, job, jokes, laughter, man, memories, party, seniors, short, smiles, woman, work
The boss is finally old enough to retire from the company. On his last day of work, he ordered a farewell party for himself.
The boss wanted everyone to express their good feeling about him by writing on the farewell card, so later he could remember how his staff “miss” him. Most people are writing standard phrases like, “Without you, the company will never be the same,”
“We will always remember you,” etc.
Obviously the boss was not satisfied. “I need something from the bottom of your heart, something really touching, you know. Okay,
Read More
Aug 04 2008