Net Miles Of Smiles

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”

“Twelve thirty.”

Comments (0) Aug 05 2008

If Only Life Could be like a Computer!

If you messed up your life, you could press “Alt, Ctrl, Delete”
and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on “run”!

If you needed a break from life, click on “suspend”.

Hit “any key” to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To “add/remove” someone in your life, click settings and control
panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you lose your car keys, click on “find”.

“Help” with the chores is just a click away.

You wouldn’t need auto insurance. You’d use your boot diskette to
recover from a crash.

We could click on “send” and the kids would go to bed immediately.

To feel like a new person, click on “refresh”.

Click on “close” to shut up the kids and spouse.

To undo a mistake, click on “back”.

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click “update”.

If you don’t like cleaning the litter box, click on “delete”.

Comments (0) Aug 05 2008

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed, not able to sleep because of the neighbors constantly barking dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, ‘I’ve had enough of this!’

She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, ‘The dog is still barking, what have you been

Read More

Comments (0) Aug 05 2008

Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub. Paddy says to Seamus, ‘What a beautiful night, look at the moon.’

Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, ‘You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.’ Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.

‘Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?’ The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,

‘Sorry, I don’t live around here.’

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Today’s Funny Quote:

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every
four persons is suffering from some sort of
mental illness.
Think of your three best friends —
if they’re okay,
then it’s you.

- Anonymous

Comments (0) Aug 05 2008

Here are some really funny one liners about marriage:

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you don’t promise to send us 100,000,000 we promise you we will kidnap your wife.” The poor man wrote back, ” I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

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I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
Then I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

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Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.
- Mort Walker

Comments (0) Aug 05 2008

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Comments (0) Aug 05 2008