Net Miles Of Smiles

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?”

“My darling,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Comments (0) Aug 07 2008

While her husband was lying down, his wife removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” she said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.”

“Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!”

Comments (0) Aug 07 2008

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”

“Why?”, asked the girl.

“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”

Comments (0) Aug 07 2008

When You Get Married Later In Life…

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about

their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss

the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob

suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the

counter:

Jacob: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes”.

Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes

for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes”

Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’re about to get married.

We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

Comments (0) Aug 07 2008

Santa enters a store that sells curtains.

He tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, “Fifteen inches.”

“Fifteen inches?” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small, what room are they for?”

Santa tells him that they aren’t for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But, sir, computers do not have curtains!”

Santa says, “Hellllooooooooo……..I’ve got Windows!”

Comments (0) Aug 07 2008

Puns Are The Lowest Form of Humor

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

Once you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

Comments (0) Aug 07 2008