Net Miles Of Smiles

Voted, Women’s Favorite E-mail of the Year!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he Prayed:

“Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.
Amen.”

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man’s wish.

The next morning,
sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat’s litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren’t finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

“Lord, I don’t know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife’s being home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back.”

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:

“My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. However, you’ll just have to wait nine months, though. You just got pregnant last night.”

(Voted, Women’s Favorite E-mail of the Year! if you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy this)

Comments (0) Aug 09 2008

Q. Do you know how far pregnant you are right now?

A. I will be three months November 8th.

Q. Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?

A. Yes.

Q. What were you and your husband doing at that time?

Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable?

A. I should be.

Q. How many times have you committed suicide?

A. Four times.

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

Q. Were you acquainted with the deceased?

A. Yes, sir.

Q. Before or after he died?

Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?

A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn’t pronunciate his words.

Comments (0) Aug 09 2008

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, “Did you
actually see the accident?“

The witness : “Yes, sir.”

The lawyer : “How far away were you when the accident happened?”
The witness : “Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches.”

The lawyer (thinking he’d trap the witness) : “Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you
knew it was exactly that distance?“

The witness : “Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it.
I knew some annoying lawyer would ask me that question.”

Comments (0) Aug 09 2008

The out-of-work newlywed took a temporary job as a vacuum cleaner salesman.
After 3 days of intensive training, the sales manager told him to go home and
practice his pitch on his wife.

The next morning, the manager asked the novice how he made out.

“Well,” the man began, “I did what you said, and after I finished, I asked her if she
would buy the vacuum cleaner from me. She said ‘Yes.‘ Then I asked her ‘Why?‘
She replied, ‘Because I love you.‘”

Comments (0) Aug 09 2008

An Army driver was chauffeur to a Major who was a notorious womanizer.
One day, the major saw a lovely girl. “Turn the car around,” he ordered.

The driver promptly stalled the car. By the time he had re-started it the
girl had vanished.

“Driver,” said the major, “you’d be a total loss in an emergency.”

“I thought I did pretty well,” the driver said.

“That was my girl.”

Comments (0) Aug 09 2008

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DISCOURAGED

..

Therefore the redeemed of the Lord
shall return, and come with singing
unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall
be upon their head: they shall obtain
gladness and joy; and sorrow and
mourning shall flee away.
Isaiah 51:11

+ + + +

Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though
now for a season, if need be, ye are in
heaviness through manifold :
That the trial of your faith, being
much more precious than of gold that
perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might
be found unto praise and honour and glory
at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
Whom having not seen, ye love; in
whom, though now ye see him not, yet
believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable
and full of glory:
Receiving the end of your faith, even
the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:6-9

..

WORRIED

..

Casting all your care upon him; for
he careth for you.

1 Peter 5:7

+ + + +

Let not your heart be troubled: ye
believe in God , believe also in me.

John 14:1

+ + + +

Be careful for nothing; but in every
thing by prayer and supplication with
thanksgiving let your requests be made
known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth
all understanding, shall keep your hearts and
minds through Christ Jesus.
Phillipians 4:6, 7

..

LONELY

..

Let your conversation be without

.

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Comments (0) Aug 09 2008