Net Miles Of Smiles

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he
said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the
world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.”

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,

“And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour
it into the river.”

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile,
nearly laughing, “For our closing song, let us sing

Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River’.”

******

Smile, life is too short not to!!
If this brightened your day
Don’t let it stop here
Pass it on with a smile
Keep spreading the Cheer.
See you at the river.

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

A husband and wife went to breakfast at a restaurant

where the “Seniors’ Special” was two eggs, bacon,

hash browns and toast for $1.99.

“Sounds good,” the wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.”

“Then I’ll have to charge you $2.49 because you’re

ordering a la carte,” the waitress warned her.

“You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?” the

wife asked incredulously.

“YES!!” —-

“Then I’ll take the special.”

“How do you want your eggs?”

“Raw and in the shell,” the wife replied. And she took

the two eggs home.

DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS.

They’ve been around the block more than once!

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

When a physician remarked on a new patient’s extraordinarily

ruddy complexion, the patient said, “High blood pressure,

Doc. It comes from my family.”

“Your mother’s side or your father’s?” the doctor asked.

“Neither,” the patient replied. “It’s from my wife’s

family.”

“Oh, come on now,” the doctor said. “How could your wife’s

family give you high blood pressure?”

He sighed. “You oughta meet ‘em sometime, Doc!”

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.

He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a

pair of running boards.”

The brand new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went

to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just

ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of

running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto

parts store?”

“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires mean three pancakes,

a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running

boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.

“Oh, OK!” said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment

and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, “What are the beans for?”

She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,

headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

A man approached a local person in a village he was

visiting.

“What’s the quickest way to York?” The local scratched his head.

“Are you walking or driving?” he asked the stranger.

“I’m driving.”

“That’s the quickest way!”

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

The minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.
The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: ‘The first Sunday, my gums were so sore, it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my new dentures were hurting me a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures… And I couldn’t shut up.

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008