Net Miles Of Smiles

It’s every airplane passenger’s nightmare –

getting stuck near a crying baby.

I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport

when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air.

As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he

glanced at the tot and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” I said to him cheerily. “Chances are

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Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

“Come with me”, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

“Wow, thank you”, said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

“Wait, I think you are a little mixed up”, said the priest. “Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.”

“Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed!”

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

TV is my shepherd, I shall not want.

It alloweth me to lie down in my reclining chair.

It leadeth me beside Luke and Laura.

It entertaineth my soul.

It leadeth me thru many a dull afternoon-

for the advertiser’s sake.

Yea, though I walk thru the valley

of the shadow of boredom, I will fear no evil.

For thou, TV, art with me.

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Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

A village pastor, known for his weakness for trout,

preached against fishing on Sunday.

The next day one of his members presented him with a

fine string of fish and said, hesitatingly, “I guess I ought

to tell you, parson, that those trout were caught on

Sunday.”

The minister hesitated, gazed appreciatively at the

speckled trout, and then said piously as he reached

for his gift, “The fish aren’t to blame for that.”

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

Prostitute

An Irish Daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cursed her, ‘Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum through?’
The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff . dad …. I became a prostitute .’
‘Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.’

‘OK, dad … as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership in the country club…’ … (takes a breath) … ‘and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year’s Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and ….’

‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff …. a prostitute, dad! …. sniff, sniff.’
‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a “Protestant”. Come here and give yer old dad a hug!’

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008

MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY
GRANNY WANTS TO PLAY
MO’ PAIN IN THE WAY
ALL THE LIVE-LONG DAY

+ + +

PAIN, PAIN GO AWAY
COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY
STAY FUNNY GRANNY STAY
AND PLAY, PLAY, PLAY

(c) Marvelous

Comments (0) Aug 10 2008