Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, elderly, flowers, funny, game, hilarious, humor, husband, jokes, laughter, man, memory, rose, school, seniors, wife, woman
Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.
Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game, Red said to Gus, “You did very good tonight. You didn’t need any help at all. Why is that?”
Gus replied, “Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven’t had any problems at all.”
“Memory school? What memory school?”
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Aug 11 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: beaches, funny, hotel, humor, jokes, laughter, man, short, smiles, stone
A vacationer called a sea side hotel to ask its location.
“It’s only a stone’s throw from the beach,” he was told.
“But how will I recognize it?” asked the man.
Came the reply: “It’s the one with all the broken windows.”
Aug 11 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: action, activity, anger, anxiety, bank, car, check, computer, depression, duty, exam, funds, funny, girl, humor, internet, job, jokes, labor, laughter, leather, license, lipstick, makeup, man, Mathematics, message, mirror, money, online, others, passenger, passengers, phone, photos, reading, sign, smiles, stress, task, test, ticket, tool, tools, traffic, vehicle, woman, work
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
***************************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat as
many times as required to align car window with the ATM machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way the
little picture indicates.
10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN# is written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN written on the inside of the back page.
11. Enter PIN into ATM machine .
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
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Aug 11 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Joe was a not too smart kind of guy. Everyday when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up and steal his money.
Finally, Joe decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn’t happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well to defend himself.
So, one day, on the way home from work Joe took his old route home and sure enough there they were. He walked up to them and battle ensued. The next afternoon Joe went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip.
His instructor shocked, asked him what happened?
“Well,” explained Joe, “I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who were stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!“
Aug 11 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: accessories, anger, bank, check, commitment, communication, computer, funds, funny, future, humor, internet, jokes, language, laughter, loan, logic, logics, man, Mathematics, memory, message, money, online, others, reason, short, smiles, understanding, woman, words
Computer: Male or Female
Five reasons computers must be female:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory
for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, “Bad command or filename”, is about as informative
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Aug 11 2008
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: blonde, funny, jokes
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
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Aug 11 2008