Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
My mother has a “lead foot,” so I was not surprised when a
state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through
Georgia.
Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear
shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.
“I have never been stopped like this before,” she said to
the officer.
“What do they usually do, ma’am,” he asked, “shoot the tires
out?”
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Aug 13 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped
going to synagogue.
Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful
attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health,
so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at
services anymore?”
The old man lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered.
“When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I
got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy
and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”
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Aug 13 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, alcohol, bar, beer, body, brandy, cemetery, champagne, child, class, classroom, drunk, eyes, funny, ghost, gin, glasses, habit, hand, hands, hilarious, humor, jokes, lake, language, laughter, lesson, liquor, Little Johnny, man, moral, obituary, ocean, perception, pond, pool, Professor, project, pub, rivers, rum, scotch, sea, smiles, stream, student, teacher, tequila, tips, tutor, vodka, voice, water, whiskey, wine, wisdom, words
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
“Now, class observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms inside your stomach.”
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Aug 13 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: age, bliss, elderly, funny, happiness, humor, jokes, joy, laughter, man, seniors, short, smiles, woman
“What are you so happy about?” a woman asked the
98-year-old man.
“I broke a mirror” he replied.
“But that means 7 years of bad luck.”
“I know,” he said, beaming. “Isn’t it wonderful?”
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Aug 13 2008
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: blonde, car, companion, couple, fool, funny, humor, husband, idiot, jokes, laughter, license, man, partner, power, season, smiles, snow, spouse, vehicle, voice, wife, woman
One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio.
They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,
so the snowplow can get through.” The wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer said,
“We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will need to move your
car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get
through.” So the wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer
said, “We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must park…”
Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried look on
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Aug 13 2008
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: blonde, funny, jokes, short
There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods
Searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with
Hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, “I’m
chopping down the next tree I see. I don’t care whether it’s
decorated or not!”
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Aug 13 2008