Net Miles Of Smiles

WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”

HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”

WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”

HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”

WIFE: “In the pool.”

Comments (0) Aug 16 2008

A guy was walking to the bar and outside there was a sign saying, “Pay a dollar, make the donkey laugh and get a free beer.”

The guy does this and gets his free beer. The next night the guy sees a different sign.

It reads, “pay a dollar make the donkey cry and get a free beer.”

He does this and gets his free beer.

The barman then asks, “How did you do it?”

The guy answers, “To make the donkey laugh I told him my private part was bigger than his and to make him cry I showed him”

+++++++++

Today’s Funny Quote:

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
– Paul Keating

Comments (0) Aug 16 2008

“I’m ashamed of you,” the mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!”

“He threw a rock at me!” the boy said. “So I threw one at him.”

The mother stated emphatically, “When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.”

The boy quickly replied, “What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours.”

Comments (0) Aug 16 2008

> >Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
>>
>> They were determined to make this a real vacation by
>> not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as
>> the plane landed they headed for a store and
>> bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses,
>> etc.
>>
>> The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their “tourist’
>> garb.
>>
>> They were sitting on the beach chairs enjoying a drink, the
>> sunshine, and the scenery when a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a
>> topless bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn’t help
>> but stare.
>>
>> As the blonde passed them she smiled and said “Good morning, Father,
>> Good morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them
>> individually, then she went on by. They were both stunned. How in
>> the world did she know they were priests? The next day, they went
>> back to the store and bought outfits that were even more outrageous.
>>
>> These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!
>> Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to
>> enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
>> wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time,
>> came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said
>>
>> “Good morning, Father,~ Good morning, Father,” and started to
>> walk away. One of the priests couldn’t stand it any longer and said,
>> “Just a minute, young lady.” “Yes, Father?”
>> “We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how
>> in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”
>> She replied,
>>
>> “Father, it’s me, Sister Kathleen!”

Comments (0) Aug 16 2008

We purchased an old home in northern New York State
from an elderly widow.

Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about
the house’s lack of insulation. “If they could live here all
those years, so can we,” my husband confidently declared.

One November night, the temperature plunged to below
zero and we woke up to find our interior walls covered
with frost. My husband called the old lady to ask how
they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief
conversation, he hung up.

“For the past 30 years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to
Florida for the winter.”

Comments (0) Aug 16 2008

> > My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
> seemed
> > to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
> > As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
> > told
> us that
> > ‘Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big
> scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays
> up, that would be super.’
> >
> > On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
>
> > Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle.
> > ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked
> > you
> to
> > raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’
> >
> > She calmly turned her head and said,
> > ‘In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.’
> >
> > To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a
> > beat,
> >
> > ‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank
> you.
> > Tray-up, Bitch’

Comments (0) Aug 16 2008