Net Miles Of Smiles

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Making a baby. This is hilarious!
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There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.
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The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, “Well, I’m off now. The man should be here soon.”
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Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning, Ma’am”, he said, “I’ve come to…”
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“Oh, no need to explain,” Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, “I’ve been expecting you.”
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“Have you really?” said the photographer. “Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my specialty?”
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“Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat”.
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After a moment she asked, blushing, “Well, where do we start?”
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“Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living
room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.”
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“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work out for Harry and me!”
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“Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be pleased with the results.”
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“My, that’s a lot!”, gasped Mrs. Smith.
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“Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.”
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“Don’t I know it,” said Mrs.Smith quietly.
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The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. “This was done on the top of a bus,” he said.
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“Oh, my God!” Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
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” And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.”
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“She was difficult?” asked Mrs. Smith.
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“Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look” ..
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“Four and five deep?” said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with
amazement.
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“Yes”, the photographer replied. “And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.”
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Mrs. Smith leaned forward. “Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?”
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“It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.”
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“Tripod?”
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“Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very long.”
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Mrs. Smith fainted ..

Comments (0) Aug 20 2008

A blonde pilot decided to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter.

The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.

So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly.

At 3,000 feet, the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.

Read More

Comments (0) Aug 20 2008

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: it’s triplets. Ugly: You had a
vasectomy five years ago.

2. Good: Your wife’s not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly:
She’s a lawyer.

3. Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing. Bad: He’s involved with
the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.

4. Good: Your wife and you agree, no more kids. Bad: Your wife can’t find
her birth control pills. Ugly:Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.

5. Good: Your oldest son understands fashion. Bad: He’s a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than your wife.

6. Good: You give the “birds and bees” talk to your 10 year old daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting. Ugly: With corrections.

7. Good: Your son is dating someone new. Bad:It’s another man. Ugly: He’s
your best friend.

8. Good: Your 15 year old daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker. Ugly:
Your co-workers are her best clients. Very Ugly: She makes more money than
you do.

Comments (0) Aug 20 2008

Teacher : Sam, you talk a lot.
Sam : It’s a family tradition.

Teacher : What do you mean?
Sam : Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.

Teacher : What about your mother?
Sam : She’s a woman.

Comments (0) Aug 20 2008

Exercise your eyes……..

The Eye Test

Can you find the B ???
(there are 2 B’s) DON’T skip or your wish won’t come True….

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Once you’ve found the B

Find the 1

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII1III
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Once you found the 1…………..

Find the 6

9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999699999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999
9999999999999999999999999999999999

Once you’ve found the 6…

Find the N (it’s hard!!)

MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMNMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMM

Once you’ve found the N…

Find the Q…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Make 2 wishes!

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>>>
>>
>

OK, NOW THAT YOU MADE A Wish, IT WILL COME TRUE…..ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS FORWARD
TO 3 PEOPLE BUT IF YOU FORWARD TO MORE IT WILL HAPPEN SOONER!!!

Comments (0) Aug 20 2008

Think about this one‏….

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

C O W S

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow,
born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

T H E C O N S T I T U T I O N

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq …. Why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’
‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians…It creates a hostile work environment.

~Unknown~

Comments (0) Aug 20 2008