Net Miles Of Smiles

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. The gate keeper came by and the woman said to him “This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?”

“You have to spell a word,” the gate keeper told her.

“Which word?” the woman asked.

“Love.”

The woman correctly spelled “Love” and the gate keeper welcomed her into Heaven.

About six months later, the gate keeper asked the woman to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

“I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?”

“Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?”

“You have to spell a word,” the woman told him.

“Which word?” her husband asked.

“Czechoslovakia.”

Comments (0) Sep 05 2008

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
“It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.”
He addressed the man,
“Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?

Comments (0) Sep 05 2008

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Read More

Comments (0) Sep 05 2008

One evening two vampire bats were hanging out in their cave. One said, “Man, I’m starving! I need to get some blood!” And he flew out of the cave.

He returned about three hours later with blood dripping from his mouth.

“Where’d you get the blood?” the other bat asked.

“Well, you fly out of the cave and you see the first tree on the left?”

“Yes,” the other bat replied.

“Well, I didn’t.”

Comments (0) Sep 05 2008

WOMAN’S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

++++

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle .
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, “You see, it’s like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooo-ooo–oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………. so does she.
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

Comments (0) Sep 05 2008

There was a fence that divided Heaven from Hell. One day God notices that the devil’s side is in pretty bad shape. It is falling down, badly in need of paint, weeds growing up around it, etc.

So, God hollers over the fence, “Hey Satan, why don’t you fix up your side of the fence?”

Satan hollers back, “Why don’t you mind your own business.”

So God says, “I’ll hire a lawyer and sue you if you don’t.”

The devil replies, “Yeah, right. Where are YOU going to find a lawyer?”

Comments (0) Sep 05 2008