Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father.
“Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!”
“I did? What did I tell you?” said the dad.
“You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble.”
“What are you talking about? That’s one of the largest banks in the state,” he said. “there must be some mistake.”
“I don’t think so,” she sniffed. “They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, ‘Insufficient Funds’.”
____________
Be Well and Laugh Often… Yea!!!
Sep 06 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: car, doctor, funny, hospital, humor, jokes, laughter, man, nurse, short, smiles, traffic, vehicle, woman
The orthopedic surgeon was moving to a new office and his staff was helping transport many of the items.
I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car and had fastened the seatbelt around it to stop it falling over. I hadn’t considered the drive across town.
At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious and I looked across and explained, “I’m delivering
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Sep 06 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
- You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
- The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
- You open a can of soup, and the lid falls in.
- There’s a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
- You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
- Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
- You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
- Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you’re trying to get a reading.
- A station comes in brilliantly when you’re standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.
- There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.
- You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.
- The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
- A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
- You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
- The radio station doesn’t tell you who sang that song.
- You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
- People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
- Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
- You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don’t know how to spell it.
- You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you’re just browsing.
- You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can’t find it.
- You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
Sep 06 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells to the other sisters, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know. I’ll come up and see.”
She starts up the stairs and pauses “Was I going up the stairs or down?”
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful,
knock on wood
of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”
==
.” She then yells, “I’ll come up and help both
_______________
Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks…
==
LIVE WELL LAUGH OFTEN!
====
Have a TERRIFIC day!
Sep 06 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, bar, beacon, beauty, beer, brandy, champagne, cold, duty, employee, employer, fire, flame, funny, Genie, gin, government, humor, ice, island, job, jokes, labor, laughter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, liquor, magic, man, office, pub, rum, scotch, short, smiles, task, tequila, thought, vodka, whiskey, wine, wishes, woman, work
A government employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes.
“I’d love an ice-cold beer right now,” he told the genie.
Poof! A beer appeared.
Next, the man said, “I wish to be on an island, surrounded by beautiful and willing women.”
Poof! He was on an island with gorgeous women fawning all over him.
“Oh, man this is the life,” the guy thought. “I wish I never had to work again.”
And poof! He was back at his desk in the government office!
Sep 06 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
TOP TEN THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY.
Can you stop that thing from beating? It’s throwing my concentration off.
10. Whoops! Somebody grab that … we may need to put it back in later.
9. Spike! Spike! Come back with that! Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!
8. Is that supposed to be there? The book said it should be on the other side.
7. Sterile, schmerile.
6. That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?
5. Gosh, if this works, I hope they name the procedure after me!
4. Okay, we’re ready for the transplant, wheel in the pig.
3. Don’t worry, I think it’s sharp enough.
2. No, don’t throw that away, we’ll probably need it for the autopsy.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY?
1.
Sep 06 2008