Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Three sons left home and prospered in life. When getting back together they discussed their success and the great gifts they were able to buy their elderly mother.
The first son said, “I sent mom a Mercedes.”
The second son said, “I bought mom a mansion.
The third son smirked and said, “I’ve got you both beat! Remember how mom liked reading the Bible when we were young? And you know she can’t see very well anymore?… Well, I sent her an amazing parrot that recites the entire Bible! It took elders in the church 12 years to teach this parrot. Mom now just has to name the verse the parrot recites it!”
Soon after this meeting of the sons, mom sent out her thank you letters.
“Andy” she wrote, “the house you built is so big and even though I live in one room, I still have to clean the whole house.”
“John” she wrote, “I am too old to travel and spend most of my time at home, so I never use the Mercedes.
“Mark” she wrote to her third son, You are my favorite son. You have such good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was simply delicious!!”
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LAUGHTER IS GREAT THERAPY…..GET YO LAUGH ON!
Sep 09 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
A police officer stopped a car which was zigzagging alarmingly and asked the
driver what he was doing.
“I am learning to drive.” was the reply.
“What? without an instructor?” exclaimed the officer.
“Oh yes,” answered the driver.”It’s a correspondence course.”
Sep 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God.”
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, “I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love.” “Very good,” said the teacher.
The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny’s hand up. “Oh no,” she thought, “I’m not gonna like this “Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?”
Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, “Your feet.”
The teacher asked him why he thought feet go to heaven first. He replied, “Well, I was walking past my parents’ bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, ‘Oh God, I’m coming!’, but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.”
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“LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE”
Sep 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
‘Careful,’ he said, CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh!
You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! USE THE SALT! THE SALT!’
The wife stared at him. ‘What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?’
The husband calmly replied, ‘I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.’
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Today’s Funny Quote:
Men are like parking spots,
the good ones are taken and
the free ones are handicapped.
– Unknown
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Be Well and Laugh Often… Yea!!!
Sep 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church.
Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving… seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, “Don’t you know who I am?”
The man replied, “Yep, sure do.”
Satan asked, “Aren’t you afraid of me?”
“Nope, sure ain’t,” said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, “Why aren’t you afraid of me?”
The man calmly replied, “Been married to your sister for over 48 years.”
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Have a TERRIFIC day!
Sep 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.
“Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?”one asked.
“He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car,” his
co-worker replied.
“How was he going to do it?”
“He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln,
hubcaps from Caddy and, well, you get the idea.”
“So what did he end up with?”
“Ten years to life.”
Sep 09 2008