Net Miles Of Smiles

1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then
it hit me.
2. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old
was resisting a rest.
3. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut
off? He’s all right now.
4. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was
Sir Cumference.
5. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
6. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
7. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
8. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet concrete. He became
a hardened criminal.
9. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged
with stalking.
10. We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always
multiply.
11. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
12. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes
was on shaky ground.
13. The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
14. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog
your memory.
15. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
16. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

______________

Be Well and Laugh Often… Yea!!!

Comments (0) Sep 15 2008

Three pastors in a certain denomination - an American, Chinese and a Jamaican - were having some difficulty making a decision regarding their Sunday church offering; specifically, which portion they should keep as salary, and which portion should go to the Lord.

The American said, “Whenever I collect the offering and the service is through, after church I put the money in a box- go outside- take a stick
and draw a line on the floor and throw the money in the air. Whatever falls on the right is for the Lord and whatever falls on the left is mine.”

Read More

Comments (0) Sep 15 2008

In Jamaica some guys where driving by on the back of a pick up truck. They saw a tourist getting a ticket from a traffic cop. The guys yelled, “Officer give the man a blood claat break.” The tourist then turned to the officer in a mild and sympathetic voice and said, “Yes officer please, give me a blood claat break.”

Comments (0) Sep 15 2008

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up.

He said, “I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my
child.

What do you think about that?”

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. “I have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses
a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a
hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.

When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream

Read More

Comments (0) Sep 15 2008

A man took his wife to the Denbigh show in Clarendon, Jamaica. One of their first stops was the bull breeding exhibit. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 120 times last year.” The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, “That’s more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.”

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, “This Read More

Comments (0) Sep 15 2008

One night, a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota.

The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into
most
of the homes there.

Mrs Johnson was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Lena, waiting
for
help to come.

Mrs Johnson noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house.

Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to
the
house, it kept floating away from the house then back towards the
house.

Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena,

“Do you see dat der baseball cap a floating away from da house, den
back again?”

Lena said, “oh yeah, dats my husband Ole, I tole dat lazy ass he gonna
cut da grass today, come hell or high water!

Comments (0) Sep 15 2008