PURCHASING A HUSBAND OR WIFE

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.

>The Husband Store
>A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells
> Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow >the
>instructions at the entrance:-
> “You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value
> of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any
> item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next
> floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!”
> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
>
>
>
> On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have
> jobs.
>
>
>
> The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
>
>
>
> The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and
> are extremely good looking.
>
>
>
> “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
>
>
>
> She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have
> Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
>
>
>
> “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
>
>
>
> Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men
> Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and
> Have A Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes
> to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
>
>
>
> Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
> on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
> impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives
> store just across the street.
>
>
>
> The
> 1st floor has wives that love sex.
>
>
>
> The
> 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
>
>
>
> The
> 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!!!!!!

____________
Be Well and Laugh Often… Yea!!!

Comments (0) Sep 19 2008

Factory Workers

Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
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In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.

Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men?
Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?“

“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied.

“It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”

Comments (0) Sep 19 2008

SCHOOL 1957 vs. 2007

Posted: under "A Slice Of Life".
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GONE ARE THE GOOD OLE DAYS… !

* * *

PONDER THESE THINGS

SCHOOL 1957 vs. 2007

*************

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

*************

1957 - Vice principal comes over to look at Jack’s shotgun. He goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lockdown, and FBI is called. Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

*************
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

*************

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail; nobody is arrested; nobody is expelled.

2007 - Police called. SWAT team arrives. Johnny and Mark are arrested and charged with assault. Both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

*************

Scenario: Jeffrey won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.

*************

1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the principal. He returns to class, sits still, and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey is diagnosed with ADD and given huge doses of ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a learning disability.

*************

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in a neighbor’s car and his dad gives Billy a whipping with his belt.

*************

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is placed in foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself, and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

*************

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

*************

1957 - Mark shares aspirin with principal out on the smoking dock.

2007 - Police called. Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. Car is searched for drugs and weapons.

*************

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

*************

1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007 - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given a diploma anyway, but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

*************

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, and blows up a red ant bed.

*************

Read More

Comments (0) Sep 19 2008

A SCRIPTURE A DAY…

Posted: under "A Scripture A Day Keeps The Devil Away".

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for
men…It is the Lord Christ who you are serving.” –Colossians 3:23, 24

Comments (0) Sep 19 2008

SHOWING LOVE AGAINST HATE

Posted: under Inspirationals.

Carl was a quiet man. He didn’t talk much. He would always greet you with a big smile
and a firm handshake.

Even after living in our neighborhood for 50+ years, no one could really say they knew him very well.

Before his retirement, he took the bus to work each morning. The lone sight of him walking down the street often worried us.

He had a slight limp from a bullet wound received in WWII.

Watching him, we worried that although he had survived WWII, he may not make it through our changing uptown neighborhood with its ever-increasing random violence, gangs, and drug activity.

When he saw the flyer at our local church asking for volunteers for caring for the gardens behind the minister’s residence, he responded in his characteristically unassuming manner. Without fanfare, he just signed up.

He was well into his 87th year when the very thing we had always feared finally happened.

He was just finishing his watering for the day when three gang members approached him.
Ignoring their attempt to intimidate him, he simply asked, “Would you like a drink from the hose?”

The tallest and toughest-looking of the three said, “Yeah, sure,” with a malevolent little smile.

As Carl offered the hose to him, the other two grabbed Carl’s arm, throwing him down. As
the hose snaked crazily over the ground, dousing everything in its way,

Carl’s assailants stole his retirement watch and his wallet, and then fled.

Carl tried to get himself up, but he had been thrown down on his bad leg. He lay there trying to gather himself as the minister came running to help him.

Although the minister had witnessed the attack from his window, he couldn’t get there fast enough to stop it.

“Carl, are you okay? Are you hurt?” the minister kept asking as he helped Carl to his feet.

Carl just passed a hand over his brow and sighed, shaking his head. “Just some punk kids. I hope they’ll wise-up someday.”

His wet clothes clung to his slight frame as he bent to pick up the hose. He adjusted the nozzle again and started to water.

Confused and a little concerned, the minister asked, “Carl, what are you doing?” “I’ve got to finish my watering. It’s been very dry lately,” came the calm reply.

Satisfying himself that Carl really was all right, the minister could only marvel.

Carl was a man from a different time and place.

A few weeks later the three returned. Just as before their threat was unchallenged.

Carl again offered them a drink from his hose.

This time they didn’t rob him. They wrenched the hose from his hand and drenched him head to foot in the icy water.

When they had finished their humiliation of him, they sauntered off down the street, throwing catcalls and curses, falling over one another laughing at the hilarity of what they had just done.

Carl just watched them. Then he turned toward the warmth giving sun, picked up his hose, and went on with his watering.

The summer was quickly fading into fall Carl was doing some tilling when he was startled by the sudden approach of someone behind him. He stumbled and fell into some evergreen branches.

As he struggled to regain his footing, he turned to see the tall leader of his summer tormentors reaching down for him. He braced himself for the expected attack.

“Don’t worry old man, I’m not gonna hurt you this time.”

The young man spoke softly, still offering the tattooed and scarred hand to Carl. As he helped Carl get up, the man pulled a crumpled bag from his pocket and handed it to Carl.

“What’s this?” Carl asked.

“It’s your stuff,” the man explained. “It’s your stuff back.

Even the money in your wallet.” “I don’t understand,” Carl said. “Why would you help me now?”

The man shifted his feet, seeming embarrassed and ill at ease. “I learned something from you,” he said. “I ran with that gang and hurt people like you. We picked you because you were old and we knew we could do it but every time we came and did something to you, instead of yelling and fighting back, you tried to give us a drink. You didn’t hate us for hating you. You kept showing love against our hate.”

He stopped for a moment. “I couldn’t sleep after we stole your stuff, so here it is back.”

He paused for another awkward moment, not knowing what more there was to say. “That bag’s my way of saying thanks for straightening me out, I guess.” And with that, he walked off down the street.

Carl looked down at the sack in his hands and gingerly opened it. He took out his retirement watch and put it back on his wrist. Opening his wallet, he checked for his wedding photo. He gazed for a moment at the young bride that still smiled back at him from all those years ago.

He died one cold day after Christmas that winter. Many people attended his funeral in spite of the weather.

The minister Particularly noticed a tall young man that he didn’t know sitting quietly in a distant corner of the church.

The minister spoke of Carl’s garden as a lesson in life.

In a voice made thick with unshed tears, he said, “Do your best and make your garden as beautiful as you can. We will never forget Carl and his garden.”

The following spring another flyer went up. It read: “Person needed to care for Carl’s garden.”

The flyer went unnoticed by the busy parishioners until one day when a knock was heard at the minister’s office door.

Opening the door, the minister saw a pair of scarred and tattooed hands holding the flyer. “I believe this is my job, if you’ll have me,” the young man said.

The minister recognized him as the same young man who had returned the stolen watch and wallet to Carl.

He knew that Carl’s kindness had turned this man’s life around. As the minister handed him the keys to the garden shed, he said, “Yes, go take care of Carl’s garden and honor him.”

The man went to work and, over the next several years, he tended the flowers and vegetables just as Carl had done.

During that time, he went to college, got married, and became a prominent member of the community. But he never forgot his promise to Carl’s memory and kept the garden as beautiful as he thought Carl would have kept it.

One day he approached the new minister and told him that he couldn’t care for the garden any longer. He explained with a shy and happy smile, “My wife just had a baby boy last night, and she’s bringing him home on Saturday.”

“Well, congratulations!” said the minister, as he was handed the garden shed keys. “That’s wonderful! What’s the baby’s name?”

“Carl,” he replied.

That’s the whole gospel message simply stated.

Comments (0) Sep 19 2008

TODAY’S QUOTE

Posted: under Daily Quotes.

Without ambition, one starts nothing.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Comments (0) Sep 19 2008