Net Miles Of Smiles

STORY OF ELIJAH

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.

“Now,” said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, “I know! I know!” she said, “To make the gravy!”

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked
their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never
been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he
couldn’t tell what the heck the weather was going to be.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe
that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members
of the village should collect wood so they would be prepared for
it.

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

1. Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: it’s triplets. Ugly: You had a
vasectomy five years ago.

2. Good: Your wife’s not talking to you. Bad: She wants a divorce. Ugly:
She’s a lawyer.

3. Good: Your youngest son is finally maturing. Bad: He’s involved with
the woman next door. Ugly: So are you.

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto. However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

>> For several years, a man was having an affair with an
>>Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was
>>pregnant.
>> Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would
>>pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly
>>have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would
>>also provide child support until the child turned 18.
>> She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was
>>born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post
>>card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for
>>the child support payments to begin.

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:

1. Make sure the man is conscious.

2. Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.

3. Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.

4. Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him

something that doesn’t have a peel-back cover.

5. Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes.

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008