Net Miles Of Smiles

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

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FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

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NOTHING

This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”

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GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”

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GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

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LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”

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SOFT SIGH

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

Maths teacher asks a boy what are 2,4,10,17.
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The boy replies they are HBO, ZOOM, SONY and POGO.

Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

Santa and banta singh were both in a mental hospital. Once they were walking past a swimming pool, santa suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.

Banta promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled santa out.

When the medical director became aware of banta’s heroic act, he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell banta the news he said, “Banta, I have good news and bad news. The

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

“Jamaica Labrish Korner”

Ms. Louise Bennett-Coverley

“Miss Lou”

CUSS - CUSS
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Not to be confused with Kas-Kas, this poem re-stages a tracing match (i.e. a quarrel) between two Jamaican women. Common cuss-words like “boogooyagga” (low-grade) “heng-pon-nail ” (bedraggled) are here liberally used. Opponents are sometimes subjected to the most unexpected similes as ” Yuh lip dem heng dung lacka wen Mule kean meck up him mine”.
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Gwan gal yuh fava teggereg,
Ah wey yuh gwine goh do?
Yuh an yuh boogooyagga fren
Dem tink me fraid o’ yuh?

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Comments (5) Sep 29 2008

“Jamaica Labrish ~ Louise Bennett”
Back to Africa

  LOUISE BENNETT
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Back to Africa, Miss Mattie?

You no know wha you dah seh?

You haf fe come from somewhe fus

Before you go back deh!

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Me know say dat you great great great

Granma was African,

But Mattie, doan you great great great

Granpa was Englishman?

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008

“Jamaica ~ Land Of Paradise”
I Saw My Land in the Morning

Words by M.G. Smith/ Music by Mappletoft Poulle
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I saw my land in the morning
And oh, but she was fair,
The hills flamed upwards scorning
Death and failure here.

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Comments (0) Sep 29 2008