Posted: under "Life is precious handle with PRAYER!", Funny Poetry.
Tags: elderly, funny, health, humor, laughter, man, prayer, seniors, sleep, smiles, thankfulness, woman, youth
Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
…
Please no wrinkles,
Please no bags,
Please lift my butt,
Before it sags.
…
Please no age spots,
Please no gray,
And as for my belly,
Please take it away.
…
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Oct 02 2008
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: belt, blonde, cemetery, check, color, colors, couple, doctor, duppy, duty, fashion, fool, funds, funny, ghost, humor, husband, idiot, job, jokes, labor, laughter, man, money, moron, pants, smiles, spouse, stupid, style, suit, task, widow, wife, woman, work
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’ To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. ‘There’s no charge,’ she says. ‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!’ she says.
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Oct 02 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: doctor, elderly, funny, jokes, seniors, short, woman
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor’s office,
a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the
room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man
sat there, alone and silent.
Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him,
a little boy slipped off his mother’s lap and walked over
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Oct 02 2008
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: child, doctor, funny, jokes, nurse, short
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment
of giving immunization shots to children.
One day I entered the examining room to give four-year-old
Lizzie her injection..
‘No, no, no!’ she screamed.
‘Lizzie,’ scolded her mother, ‘that’s not polite behavior’
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Oct 02 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, check, children, doctor, elderly, exam, family, funny, granny, gratitude, hilarious, hospital, humor, jokes, language, laughter, mother, mother-in-law, nurse, patient, phone, physician, seniors, smiles, specialist, surgeon, test, thankfulness, time, voice, words
A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said, “I can, what’s the name and room number?”
The old lady in her weak voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied, “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, “Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.”
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Oct 02 2008
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: Africa, art, blonde, butt, cat, dictionary, doctor, dog, duty, eyes, fool, funny, hospital, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, language, laughter, letter, medication, medicine, moron, nurse, painting, patient, pharmacist, pharmacy, physician, rectum, secret, secrets, smiles, specialist, stupid, surgeon, task, words, work
Artery………….Study of paintings
Bacteria…………Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium…………..What to do when treatment fails
Bowel…………….Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section….District in Rome
Cat Scan………….Searching for Kitty
Cauterize…………Make eye contact with her
Colic…………….Sheep Dog
Coma……………..Punctuation Mark
Congenital………..Friendly
D & C…………….Where Washington is
Dilate……………To live long
Enema……………..Not a friend
Fester…………….Quicker
Genital……………Non-Jewish
Hang Nail………….Coat Hook
Impotent…………..Distinguished, well known
Labor pain…………Hurt at work
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Oct 02 2008