Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: attorney, cop, court, exam, funny, hilarious, humor, jokes, judge, laughter, law, lawyer, officer, patrolman, policeman, president, rabbit, rules, sheriff, smiles, test, time, trooper
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything
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Oct 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bar, beer, drunk, funny, hilarious, jokes, man, pub, wife, woman
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
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Oct 09 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, church, couple, elderly, funny, hilarious, humor, husband, jokes, laughter, man, rhythm, seniors, sex, smiles, spouse, Sunday, wife, woman
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.
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Oct 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, body, car, care, companion, cop, couple, designer, destination, doctor, elderly, era, eyes, fashion, fiber, funny, health, heart, highway, hilarious, history, humor, husband, jokes, journey, laughter, license, man, officer, partner, patrolman, period, physician, police, road, seniors, sheriff, sign, sleep, smiles, specialist, spouse, style, surgeon, time, tour, tourist, travel, trip, trooper, vehicle, vision, wealth, wife, woman
Your friend compliments you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.
…
A young babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
“Getting a little action” means, “I don’t need to take any fiber today.”
…
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
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Oct 09 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: funny, hilarious, hospital, jokes, man, nurse, penis, testicles, woman
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.
“Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your hands and feet.”
He struggles again to ask, “Nurse, are my testicles black?”
Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his
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Oct 09 2008
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Advice & Tips.
Tags: advice, boss, competition, duty, example, friends, friendship, grown ups, idea, influence, instruction, instructions, job, language, leader, learning, life, listening, man, manager, money, opinion, others, prayer, quotes, reason, task, thought, tips, value, values, voice, woman, words, work
“Get me this…” “Do this for me now!” “Don’t do that!” “Listen to me!”
Those commands don’t sound super-friendly, do they? Those commands—and a whole bunch of other ones just like ‘em—are frequently used by bossy people. You want to mess up your friendships? Here’s a tip: Start bossing your friends around.
Most people don’t like to be bossed around. Grown-ups don’t even like to be bossed around by their bosses, even though that’s kinda what bosses are supposed to do. But since you aren’t the boss of your friends (unless you’re paying them to be your friends, which would be really odd), you have no reason to boss them around, and they have no reason to put up with it.
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Oct 09 2008