Net Miles Of Smiles

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!” She says, “Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up.”

After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, “Man! my hands are really freezing!” She says again, “Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up.” He does, and again that warms him up.

After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the

Read More

Comments (0) Oct 10 2008

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion,

Read More

Comments (0) Oct 10 2008

If you don’t believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

..

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”

..

Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.

..

If that phone was up your ass, maybe you could drive better!

..

Don’t be sexist, broads hate that.

..

Saw it… Wanted it… Had a fit… Got it!

..

Constipated people don’t give a shit.

..

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

..

My kid got your honour roll student pregnant.

..

To all you virgins… Thanks for nothing.

..

If you can read this… I lost my trailer.

..

You’re just jealous cause the voices are only talking to me.

..

Read More

Comments (0) Oct 10 2008

Take this dementia test…

…

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. The saying; “If you don’t use it, you will lose it,” also applies to the brain, so….. Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still “with it.”
-
-
OK, relax, clear your mind and…. begin.

Read More

Comments (0) Oct 10 2008

Somehow in this great big world
I found my way to you -
My friend across the Internet,
My heart, my soul, that’s who!

~”"~

You try to make me smile
With the mail you send my way,
You never fail to drop a line
Each and every day…

~”"~

Whenever I have hurried home
With something new to share,
I find it just so comforting

Read More

Comments (0) Oct 10 2008

FOOD FOR THOUGHT passed on by a dear friend.

Something absolutely positive for a change.

…

I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It’s nice, The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn’t even touch college tuition. But $160,140 isn’t so bad if you break it down. It translates into: Read More

Comments (0) Oct 10 2008