Net Miles Of Smiles

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to

purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving to inspect a bull, the brunette tells her sister,

“When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to
drive

out and haul it home.”

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and

decides she wants to buy it. After paying him, she drives to the

nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a

telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our
ranch.

I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out
here

so we can haul it home.”

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then
adds,

“It’s just 99 cents a word.”

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She
realizes

that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

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Comments (0) Oct 11 2008

WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock)
(You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)

.

WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

.

WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
(they don’t have enough time)

.

WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don’t stop to ask directions)

.

WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)

.

WHY DON’T WOMEN HAVE MEN’S BRAINS?
(because they don’t have penises to put them in)

.

WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
(they’re intended for children, but men usually play with them)

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Comments (0) Oct 11 2008

An elderly Italian man who lived in the outskirts of Monte Cassino went to the local church for confession.

He said: “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic.”

The priest replied: “That was a wonderful thing you did, my son and you have no need to confess that.”

“It’s worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors.”

The priest said: “By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people

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Comments (0) Oct 11 2008

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a
contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants. She says, “Now, in the living room, I’d like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm.” The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, “Green side up!” The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide.

They wander into the next room. She says, “In the dining room I’d like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy.” The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells “Green side up”! The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.

They wander further into the next room. She says, “In the bedroom, I’d like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue.” The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then

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Comments (0) Oct 11 2008

Karl and Milly were lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Milly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.”

Wearily Karl reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep.

A few moments later she said, “Then you used to kiss me.” Mildly irritated, he leaned across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep.

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Comments (0) Oct 11 2008

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce.”

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, “I don’t want you to try to talk me out of it, because I’ve been having an affair with your best friend, and she’s a better lover than you are.”

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

“I want the house,” he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, “I want the car, too,” but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she’s up to ninety mph. “All right,” he says, “I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too.”

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

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Comments (0) Oct 11 2008