Net Miles Of Smiles

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. “In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”

After the curator left, a young man in a West Virginia T-shirt approached! the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

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Comments (0) Oct 13 2008

A fellow bought a new Corvette and was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

“There ain’t no way they can catch a Corvette,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 130 and finally 150 with the light still behind him. “What the hell am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

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Comments (0) Oct 13 2008

An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!”

The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, “Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!”

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off

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Comments (0) Oct 13 2008

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural South Eastern Oklahoma close to the Choctaw Nation.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a Choctaw’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly Choctaw drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old Choctaw replied, “This is our property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.The old Choctaw smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in the Choctaw Nation. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the Three Kick Rule?”The Choctaw replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on our land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old Choctaw slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His

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Comments (0) Oct 13 2008

1. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backwards poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

12. The man, who fell into an upholstery machine, is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

17. Every calendar’s days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

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Comments (0) Oct 13 2008

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are standing in front of the Mirror of Truth. It sucks up and kills anyone who tells a lie in front of it.

So the brunette says, “I’m the smartest person in the world.” She gets sucked up and dies.The redhead says,”I’ve got the most curly hair,” and she gets sucked up and dies also.

The blonde says,”I think…..” and she gets sucked up and dies.

Comments (0) Oct 13 2008