Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, cemetery, children, devil, elderly, funny, hilarious, humor, jokes, laughter, man, priest, road, satan, seniors, smiles, soul, voice
On the outskirts of town, there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucket with nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
“One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,” said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
He knew what it was. “Oh my,” he shuddered. “It’s Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery.”
He cycled down the road as fast as he could and found an old man hobbling along with a cane. “Come here quick,” said the boy. “You won’t believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls.”
The man said, “Shoo, you brat, can’t you see I’m finding it hard to walk as it is.” But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence, they heard, “One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.”
The old man whispered, “Boy, you’ve been telling the truth. Let’s find out if we can see the devil himself.” Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, but they were still
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Oct 16 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: doctor, funny, hilarious, jokes, Little Johnny, short
One day Little Susie got her “monthly bleeding” for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.
Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny’s face grew serious and he said, “You know, Im not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off”
Oct 16 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: air, aroma, beaches, body, car, Chinese, coffee, diet, duty, fart, fool, fragrance, funny, gas, hilarious, horse, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, language, laughter, man, moron, odor, perfume, road, scent, sign, smell, smiles, stupid, tablecloth, task, traffic, travel, trip, truck, van, vehicle, words, work
That’s not right. - Sum Ting Wong.
Are you harboring a fugitive? - Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me as soon as possible. - Kum Hia Nao.
Stupid Man. - Dum Gai.
Small Horse. - Tai Ni Po Ni.
Did you go to the beach? - Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. - Ai Bang Mai Ni.
I think you need a face lift. - Chin Tu Fat.
It’s very dark in here. - Wai So Dim?
I thought you were on a diet. - Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. - No Pah King.
You are not very bright. - Yu So Dum.
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Oct 16 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: flight, funny, hilarious, jokes, man, plane, woman
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn’t sure he saw what she did and decides he is probably hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can’t believe that he’s seeing what he’s seeing.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times
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Oct 16 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, body, brain, check, cold, country, day, elderly, era, exercise, funds, funny, glasses, granny, health, hilarious, humor, ice, jokes, laughter, life, lifestyle, man, money, morning, mother, mother-in-law, race, seniors, smiles, sport, time, weight, woman
1. It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at age 85, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5,000 per month.
2. My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She is now 97 and we don’t know where the hell she is.
3. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
4. I joined a health club last year, spent about $400. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
6. I don’t exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.
7. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
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Oct 16 2008
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: blonde, couple, funny, husband, jokes, phone, short, wife, woman
A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, “How should I know, that’s 200 miles from here!” and hung up.
The husband said, “Who was that?”
The wife said, “I don’t know; some woman wanting to know ‘if the coast is clear’.”
Oct 16 2008