Archives: 2009 January 28

Talking dog for sale

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: dog, funny, gift, jokes

This guy sees a sign in front of a house “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there.“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

Comments (0) Jan 28 2009

New Girlfriend’s Gift

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, bank, birth, birthday, care, check, choice, clerk, clothing, companion, couple, dating, designer, embrace, family, fashion, friends, friendship, funds, funny, fur, gift, girl, girlfriend, hand, hands, hilarious, hug, hugs, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, loan, love, mail, man, money, partner, present, relationship, show, smiles, style, surprise, thought, tips, token, woman

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girl friend’s birthday and as they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal. Accompanied by the girl friend’s younger sister, he went to Herrod’s and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties. The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

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Comments (0) Jan 28 2009

Baby Photographer

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: baby, funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, photographer, wife

The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. “Good morning madam. You don’t know me but I’ve come to….”

Comments (0) Jan 28 2009

Watch less T.V.

Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: funny, jokes, short, television

While visiting Santa’s house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.

Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

Comments (0) Jan 28 2009

Today

Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: funny, jokes, short, today, wife

My wife said, “Whatcha doin today?”

I said, “Nothing.”

She said, “You did that yesterday.”

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Comments (0) Jan 28 2009

Life Philosophies

Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, advice, age, anger, anxiety, aroma, beacon, bird, bliss, body, bus, butt, candle, candles, car, cemetery, cologne, dad, depression, destination, dog, duty, eagle, eagles, era, eyes, father, feeling, fire, flame, flight, flowers, fragrance, funny, genius, ghost, happiness, health, highway, hilarious, history, humor, icon, inspiration, jet, job, jokes, journey, joy, labor, laughter, license, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, logic, logics, magazine, man, medication, medicine, message, mood, motorist, muscle, muscles, nature, neighbor, obituary, odor, others, perception, perfume, period, philosophy, plane, plant, pool, rectum, rivers, road, robber, rose, roses, scent, sharing, sign, sky, smiles, sound, star, stream, stress, success, sunshine, task, thief, time, tips, tour, tourist, traffic, travel, trip, truck, vehicle, voice, water, woman, work

Always take the time to smell the roses…and sooner or later you’ll inhale a bee.

…

If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek…nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.

…

If genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

…

It’s always darkest before dawn…so if you’re gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that’s the tme to do it.

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Comments (0) Jan 28 2009

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