Net Miles Of Smiles

 

Miss Lou

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Anansi, Miss Lou and the ‘raw chaw’ argument

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Published: Sunday | March 8, 2009

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Killing originality

In one of her wicked poems, ‘Bans a Killin’ Miss Lou persuasively argues that Jamaican - which she calls ‘dialect’ - is not inferior to English. And she firmly puts in his place censorious Mas Charlie who, somewhat like the Broadcasting Commission these days, is trying to kill off verbal creativity in the slack local language. Here are the first two and the last two verses of Miss Lou’s poem:

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So yuh a de man me hear bout!

Ah yuh dem seh dah teck

Whole heap a English oat seh

dat

Yuh gwine kill dialect!

Mek mi get it straight, Mas

Charlie

For me no quite understand -

Yuh gwine kill all English dialec

Or jus Jamaica one?

When yuh done kill ‘wit’ an

‘humour’,

When yuh kill ‘variety’,

Yuh wi haffi fine a way fi kill

Originality!

An mine how yuh dah read dem

English

Book deh pon yuh shelf,

For ef yuh drop a ‘h’ yuh mighta

Haffi kill yuhself.

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I’ve adapted Miss Lou’s poem to take on the issue of sexual, not simply oral, slackness. And I’ve created a fictional character - Aunty Roachy reincarnated as a hottie-hottie dancehall diva? I’m sure literal-minded readers will assume she unequivocally speaks for me. Seet ya. It name ‘Bans a Bannin’:

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So yu a di man me hear bout!

A yu dem seh dah tek

Whole heap a English oat seh

dat

Yu gwine kill slackness!

Mek mi get it straight Misa

Broadcast Commission

For mi no quite understand

Yuh gwine kill off all a di sexy

song dem

Or ongle fi wi dancehall one?

If yu cyaan DJ bout daggerin

Yu cyaan sing no mento bout

solderin

Yu cyaan stir it up inna no kinky

reggae

Yu cyaan sing no calypso bout

going fa cane

Yu cyaan sing no R & B bout

‘you send me’

For di whole a dem a sing

Bout di said same ting

Fire fire in di wire wire

Sex a sex no matter what di

tongue

Straight or hide-up, English or

Jamaican

Is all bout tumbling down di hill

If is Jack an Jill or Spice an

Kartel.

Jackass seh di worl no levl

Wat good fi goose no good fi

gander

It look like old time farin

slackness

No loose laka fi wi new style on

ya

An Misa Broadcast Commission

Yu cyaan tap people from watch

dem cable channel

Yu lost yu pass a force eena

people house

A gwaan like seh a you one rule

di waves

Yuh mussi tink seh yu a

Britannia.

Massa day done, Misa

Commissioner

Man an uman free fi tink

An wi don’t like wat yu telling wi

Fun is fun an joke is joke

But yu tekkin a joke too far.

Inna dem ya hard time

Yu a try kill off man an uman

business?

Di ongle ting don’t gone up?

Yu can still hug up

Fi lickle or notn

Depending pon yu lyrics.

Misa Broadcast Commission

Yu no tink it better wi hold dance

a street

Dan kip up demonstration

Cau wi no ha notn much fi eat?

An careful how yu romp wid

slackness

For mi wi cut yu down to size

Mi wi show yu who a di mistress

When yu nature start fi rise.

- Carolyn Cooper, Contributor