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The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
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1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
What for? He can’t see my license plate.
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2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”
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3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
Always wear a condom.
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4. When driving through fog, what should you use?
Your car.
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5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
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6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
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7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.
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8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
The color.
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9. How do you deal with heavy traffic?
Heavy psychedelics.
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10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
Carry loaded weapons.
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