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Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
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Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
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Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
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Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
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Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
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Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
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Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
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Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
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Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
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Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
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Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
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Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
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Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
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Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
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Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
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Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
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Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
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Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
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Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
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Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
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Verbal: Able to whine in words
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Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
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Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
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