Net Miles Of Smiles

 

.

I started as a fishmonger but the work made me selfish.

.

My next job was in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn’t concentrate.

.

Then I worked as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

.

After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I wasn’t suited for it – it was a sew-sew job.

.

Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.

.

I attempted to work in a deli, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience.

.

Next, was a job in a shoe shop. I felt so down at heel that I became depressed and soulful.

.

Then I became a fisherman. But I discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

.

I managed to get a job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

.

Read More

Comments (0) Mar 20 2010

 

.

Arthur is 90 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

.

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

.

“That’s no good” sighs Arthur, “your brother’s a hundred and three. He can’t help.”

.

“He may be a hundred and three”, says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

.

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway.

.

Read More

Comments (0) Mar 20 2010

 

.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

.

‘Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.’

.

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

.

The frog says, ‘Sure. I have this,’ and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the

Read More

Comments (0) Mar 20 2010