Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: baby, cop, elderly, funny, hilarious, jokes, laughter, Little Johnny, minister, money, pastor, police, preacher, school, sermon, short, Sunday, teacher, wedding, wife
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1. Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why the groom wearing black?”
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2. A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!”
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3. Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.” The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
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4. An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
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5. A police recruit was asked during the exam, “What would you do
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: baby, children, elderly, family, funny, gift, hilarious, jokes, minister, money, pastor, preacher, wife
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There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
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After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher’s salary.
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There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church. Finally,
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: assignment, doctor, funny, hilarious, homework, jokes, wife
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Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence ..*
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1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
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2. Dictate – My girfriend say my dictate good.
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3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
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4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
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Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: camp, funny, hilarious, jokes, man
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Seven guys were at deer camp. Three had to bunk two to a room.
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No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
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The first night, John slept in Steve’s room and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The rest of the guys said, “Man, what happened to you?”
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He said, “Steve snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
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The next night it was Garry’s turn. In the morning, same thing–hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. Once again they asked, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!”
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He said, “Man, that Steve shakes the roof. I couldn’t sleep a wink. I just watched him all night.”
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The third night was Herb’s turn. Herb was a big burly guy who loved to fish and hunt — a man’s man.
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Mar 06 2010
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: elderly, funny, hilarious, jokes, moment, phone, wife
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An elderly man was driving down the freeway when his cell phone rang.
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He answered it and it was his wife. She said, “Be careful, honey! I heard on the news that there is a car driving backwards on the freeway!”
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Mar 06 2010
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bicycle, child, funny, hilarious, jokes
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“I was in a customer’s home one afternoon and
while I was talking to the customer, their 4 year old
little girl whose name was Michelle, tugged on my
pants leg and excitedly exclaimed, “I got a new
bicycle, do you want to see it?”
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I said, “Sure Michelle.” So off to the backyard we
went.
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Upon getting into the backyard, I saw a brand new
girl’s bicycle. “Boy, Michelle!! That’s a beautiful bicycle.”
I complimented. “Can you ride it?”
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“Yeah, I can ride it,” she said, then with a sad face
she pouted, “but it’s broke.”
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I looked at the new bicycle and couldn’t see anything