Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, brain, champagne, companion, couple, court, drunk, elderly, exam, fool, funny, gin, granny, hilarious, humor, husband, idiot, jail, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, liquor, man, moron, mother, mother-in-law, office, partner, practice, relationship, rules, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, spouse, tequila, test, vodka, voice, whiskey, wife, wine, woman, words, youth
. . . Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. . .
.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
..
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ ..
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal
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Jun 21 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: beaches, beacon, competition, country, direction, duty, earth, era, eyes, family, fire, flame, fun, funny, funtime, Genie, global, globe, guidance, hilarious, humor, instruction, instructions, job, jokes, language, laughter, light, magic, man, map, Mathematics, peace, smiles, sports, task, time, universe, war, wishes, woman, words, work, world
.
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a
Genie’s lamp.
..
She picked it up, rubbed it & a Genie appeared. The amazed woman
asked if she was entitled to three wishes.
..
The Genie said “No. Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low
wages in third world countries & fierce global competition, I can
only grant you one wish. So what’ll it be?”
..
The woman didn’t hesitate. She said “I want peace in the Middle
East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with
each other.”
..
The Genie looked at the map & exclaimed “Gadzooks, lady! These
countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but
not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
..
The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been
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Jun 21 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: cemetery, cold, companion, couple, funny, ghost, heart, Heaven, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, ice, jokes, language, laughter, man, obituary, partner, peace, sleep, smiles, snow, spouse, television, wife, woman, words
.
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I’m Kelly. How’d you die?
..
1st woman: I Froze to Death.
2nd woman: How Horrible!
..
1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
..
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act.
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Jun 21 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: boy, butt, cop, funny, hand, hilarious, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, officer, patrolman, policeman, rectum, sheriff, short, smiles, tool, tools, trooper
.
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one
hand and a squirrel in the other.
.
“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “whatever you do to
that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to
you.”
.
Read More
May 31 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, car, fish, fishing, fool, funny, hilarious, humor, idiot, jokes, journey, lake, laughter, license, man, minister, moron, ocean, others, pastor, pond, preacher, priest, rivers, road, sea, smiles, stream, travel, trip, vehicle, water, woman
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A local priest and pastor were fishing on the side of the road.
.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying, “The End is Near!
.
Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.
.
One driver that drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them:
. “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” .
All of a sudden they heard a big SPLASH! The priest and the pastor Read More
May 31 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: anger, anxiety, bird, class, classroom, college, depression, designer, difference, duty, emotions, exam, eyes, fashion, fool, funny, genius, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, language, laughter, legs, life, man, moment, moron, mountain, others, Professor, school, smiles, stress, student, style, suit, surprise, task, teacher, test, thought, tutor, university, voice, woman, words, work
.
Legs
=====
.
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his
zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw
ten stands with ten pairs of legs on them. Each bird had a sack
over its head; only the legs were showing.
.
He sat in the front row because he wanted to do the best job
possible. The professor announced that the test would be to
look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name,
habitat, genus and species.
.
The student looked at each of the birds’ legs.
They all looked the same to him.
He began to get upset.
.
He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify
birds by their legs.
.
The more he thought about it the madder he got.
.
Finally he could stand it no longer.
He went up to the professor’s desk and said,
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May 19 2011