“Do you know what I am doing?”

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Day 238 of 365 by evaxebra.  

 

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 One day this beautiful woman walked into a doctor’s office. 

 The doctor was bowled over by how stunningly awesome she was. 

All his professionalism went right out the window…
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He told her to take her pants off, she did, and he started rubbing her thighs.

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“Do you know what I am doing?” asked the doctor.

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“Yes, checking for abnormalities,” she replied.

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He told her to take off her shirt and bra, she took them off. 

The doctor began rubbing her breasts and asked, 

“Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replied, 

“Yes, checking for cancer.”

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Finally, he told her to take off her panties, laid her on the table, got

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Comments (0) Jul 12 2013

Little Old Lady

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Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

 

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Little old lady:

I am 94 years old.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Will you please tell us in your own words,

what happened on the night of April 1st?

 

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Little old lady:

There I was, sitting on my porch on a warm spring evening

when a young man comes creeping up

and sat down next to me.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?

 

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Little old lady:

No, but he was friendly.

 

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Defense Attorney:

What happened after he sat down?

 

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Little old lady:

He rubbed my thigh.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?

 

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Little old lady:

No.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Why not?

 

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Little old lady:

It felt good.

No one had touched me since my Albert died.

 

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Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

 

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Little old lady:

He began to rub my breasts.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

 

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Little old lady:

No.

 

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Defense Attorney:

Why not?

 

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Little old lady:

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Comments (0) Apr 15 2012

The Pig

Posted: under Jamaican Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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A man and a woman were having sex when the woman asked if she could have the man’s pig.

The man said, “Yes, in the morning.”

 

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When they got out of bed and went outside she asked if she could have the pig now.

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Comments (0) Apr 04 2012

Dad’s Favorite

Posted: under Jamaican Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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A woman cooked goat meat but didn’t tell the kids what it was.

They asked for a clue and she told them it was dad’s favorite.

The son screamed,

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Comments (0) Mar 08 2012

The Voice Activated Radio

Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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            I bought a new Chevy Avalanche

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And returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn’t get the radio to work.

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The salesman explained that the radio was voice Activated.

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‘Nelson,’ the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, ‘Ricky or Willie?’

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‘Willie!’ he continued and ‘On The Road Again’
Came from The speakers.

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Then he said, ‘Ray Charles!’, and in an instant ‘
Georgia On My Mind’ replaced Willie Nelson.

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I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every
Time I’d say, ‘Beethoven,’

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I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
Beatles,’ I’d get one of their awesome songs.

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Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,

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Comments (0) Feb 23 2012

The gym experience‏

Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Nasty and Rude Jokes.
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A WOMAN’S WEEK AT THE GYM 

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If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

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Dear Diary,

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For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 40 something years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.


MONDAY:

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I started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair,dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

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TUESDAY:

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I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It’s a whole new life for me.

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WEDNESDAY:

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The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

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THURSDAY:

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Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was

 

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Comments (0) Nov 03 2011