Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: child, christmas, couple, dinner, father, funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, man, mother, parents, smiles, spouse, wife, woman
The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there’s three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.” “Onions?” ”Yes, you see them, and they make you cry.”
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: age, blonde, child, color, colors, companion, couple, era, eyes, funny, halloween, humor, husband, jokes, language, laughter, man, partner, smiles, spouse, time, treats, trick, voice, wife, woman, words
One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blonde curly hair and the biggest blue eyes.
She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, “what are you supposed to say sweetheart?”
The little girl looks up at the woman and says “Twick or Tweat!”
The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, “Go ahead honey say it just one more time.”
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Oct 31 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, bar, beer, car, champagne, cowboy, drunk, duty, funny, gin, hilarious, humor, job, jokes, labor, laughter, liquor, man, penis, pub, rum, scotch, secret, smiles, sugar, task, tequila, time, vodka, waiter, waitress, watch, whiskey, wine, woman, work
A cowboy walks into a bar, and two steps in he realizes it’s a gay bar.
“What the heck,” he says to himself, “I really want a drink.” When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your willy?” The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.
“The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your willy. Mine for instance is called NIKE, for the slogan, ‘Just Do It.’ that guy down at the end of the bar calls his SNICKERS, because ‘It really Satisfies.’ “The cowboy looks dumbfounded, so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over.
So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?” The man looks back and says with a smile, “TIMEX.” The thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” the fella proudly replies, “‘Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!’”
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to the two fella’s on his right who just happens to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?” The first man
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: airline, airport, anxiety, British, Caribbean, children, companion, couple, depression, flight, funny, hilarious, honeymoon, humor, husband, jar, jokes, language, laughter, magazine, man, marriage, mother, mother-in-law, partner, plane, sex, smiles, spouse, stress, time, vacation, wedding, wife, woman, words
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: “Benson & Hedges.” Mom now knew to go straight to her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: “Extra Long. King Size.” She was again
slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing.
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Oct 15 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: child, couple, dinner, fish, funny, hilarious, husband, jokes, man, minister, money, pastor, preacher, priest, spouse, wife, woman
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.”
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, “I caught them at the dam, so they’re dam fish.”
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, “Preachers aren’t supposed to talk like that.”
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Oct 11 2008
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: funny, hilarious, jokes, man, woman
WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock)
(You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)
.
WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)
.
WHY DON’T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?
(they don’t have enough time)
.
WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don’t stop to ask directions)
.
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn)
.
WHY DON’T WOMEN HAVE MEN’S BRAINS?
(because they don’t have penises to put them in)
.
WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?
(they’re intended for children, but men usually play with them)
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Oct 11 2008