Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "LOVE is LOVELY", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: abroad, accident, age, aid, aim, air, air force, amazement, America, army, aroma, attention, belief, blessings, blood, bridge, care, caring, cheer, club, cologne, commitment, community, companion, contribution, cosmetic, country, couple, cure, designer, destination, doctor, donation, duty, effort, efforts, entertainment, era, exam, example, faith, family, fashion, fish, fishing, flag, force, foreign, fragrance, friends, friendship, fun, funny, funtime, gift, girl, goal, God, granny, gratitude, group, gynecologist, healing, health, highway, hilarious, history, humor, husband, hygiene, imagination, inspiration, job, jokes, journey, labor, land, laughter, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, love, mail, man, marine, marines, medical, medicine, military, mission, moment, morale, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, nation, navy, need, needs, neighbor, odor, others, partner, patriotic, patriotism, perfume, period, personnel, physician, pledge, present, quiz, relaxation, rest, road, role model, Savior, scent, service, sharing, sleep, smell, smiles, soldier, soldiers, son, specialist, spirit, spouse, style, success, surgeon, surprise, task, test, thankfulness, time, token, tour, traffic, travel, trip, troops, truck, vehicle, war, wife, wind, woman, work
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Tampons
========
.
My son told me how wonderful the care packages we had sent them
from the ladies auxiliary were and wanted me to tell everyone
thank you.
.
He said that one guy we’ll call Marine X, got a female care
package and everyone was giving him a hard time. My son said,
‘Marine X got some really nice smelling lotion and everyone
really likes it, so every time he goes to sleep they steal it
from him.’ I told my son I was really sorry about the mistake,
and if he wanted I would send Marine X another package. He told
me not to worry about Marine X because every time I send
something to him, he shares it with Marine X.
.
He said when my husband and I sent the last care package, Marine
X came over to his cot picked up the box, started fishing
through it, and said, ‘What’d we get this time?’
.
But my son said they had the most fun with Marine X’s package.
He said he wasn’t sure who it was supposed to go to, but the
panties were size 20, and he said one of the guys got on top of
the Humvee and jumped off with the panties over his head and
yelled, ‘Look at me, I’m an Airborne Ranger!!!!’
.
One of the guys attached the panties to an antenna and it blew
in the wind like a windsock. He said it entertained them for
quite awhile. Then of course…….they had those tampons. When
he brought this up, my imagination just went running, but he
continued.
.
My son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the
Chap-Stick and lotion for the trip. He grabbed a bunch of the
items from his care package and got in the Humvee. As luck would
have it he grabbed the tampons too, and my son said everyone was
teasing him about ‘not forgetting his feminine hygiene
products.’
.
He said things went well for a while, then the convoy was
ambushed and a Marine was shot. He said the wound was pretty
clean, but it was deep. He said they were administering first
aid but couldn’t get the bleeding to slow down, and someone
said, ‘Hey! Use Marine X’s tampons!’ My son said they put the
tampon in the wound. At this point my son profoundly told Me,
Read More
Mar 09 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, age, aid, anxiety, attorney, barn, bridge, car, country, cow, destination, era, farmer, funny, highway, hilarious, history, humor, jokes, journey, language, laughter, lawyer, license, man, Mathematics, movement, noise, path, period, pig, rabbi, religion, repairs, road, sleep, smiles, sound, surprise, time, tour, tourist, traffic, trick, trip, vehicle, words
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A Rabbi, A Hindu and a Lawyer
==============================
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A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the
country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and
came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer
explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to
sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two
have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a
knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming,
“I can’t sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there.
It’s against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!”
.
The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no
religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later,
the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, “There’s a COW
in the barn! I can’t sleep in the same room as a cow!
It’s against my religion!”
.
The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he’d go to the barn,
Read More
Mar 07 2012
Posted: under Nasty and Rude Jokes.
Tags: accident, age, beauty, bliss, check, cheer, classic, color, colors, destination, duty, election, era, funds, funny, government, happiness, highway, hilarious, history, humor, job, jokes, journey, joy, labor, language, laughter, light, loan, mind, model, money, music, musician, nation, noise, office, path, period, politics, pride, radio, road, salesman, singer, smiles, sound, support, supporter, task, time, tour, tourist, traffic, travel, trip, truck, vehicle, voice, vote, voter, words, work
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I bought a new Chevy Avalanche
.
And returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn’t get the radio to work.
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The salesman explained that the radio was voice Activated.
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‘Nelson,’ the salesman said to the radio.
The radio replied, ‘Ricky or Willie?’
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‘Willie!’ he continued and ‘On The Road Again’
Came from The speakers.
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Then he said, ‘Ray Charles!’, and in an instant ‘
Georgia On My Mind’ replaced Willie Nelson.
.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every
Time I’d say, ‘Beethoven,’
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I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said,
Beatles,’ I’d get one of their awesome songs.
.
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light
And nearly creamed my new truck,
Read More
Feb 23 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, Africa, age, air, alcohol, America, attorney, awards, bar, beaches, beer, brandy, breakfast, bus, car, champagne, check, cheer, clerk, cold, cop, court, destination, dinner, doctor, dumb, era, family, finger, fingers, fire, food, fool, foreign, friends, friendship, funds, funny, gas, gin, glory, health, hilarious, history, home, honor, hospital, hotel, House, humor, ice, idiot, insurance, jail, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, letter, license, liquor, magic, mail, man, Mathematics, memory, money, moron, motel, New York, nurse, officer, passenger, path, patient, patrolman, period, photos, physician, police, pub, restaurant, road, robber, rum scotch, sheriff, short, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, specialist, stupid, surgeon, tequila, thief, ticket, time, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, treats, trooper, vehicle, vodka, whiskey, wind, wine, winner, winter, woman, youth
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The Darwins are out !!!!
.
Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
.
Here is the glorious winner:
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1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
.
And now, the honorable mentions:
.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
.
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
Read More
Feb 06 2012
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: accident, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, bliss, bus, car, champagne, chance, check, cold, companion, couple, court, day, diet, drunk, eyes, family, funny, gin, hands, happiness, health, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, ice, jokes, journey, joy, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, licence, license, liquor, man, Mathematics, money, morning, New York, partner, path, pub, rain, recipe, road, rum, scotch, season, short, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, time, traffic, travel, truck, vehicle, vodka, weather, whiskey, wife, wine, winter, woman, words
Add a teaspoon of it
To your diet each day
.
.
My sister said its so cold where she is
that she saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets……..brrrrrrr!
><><
Its been said that 95% of drivers skidding on snow slickened roads say,
”Oh my God”. The other 5% are from Buffalo, NY and say,
Read More
Oct 29 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, car, fish, fishing, fool, funny, hilarious, humor, idiot, jokes, journey, lake, laughter, license, man, minister, moron, ocean, others, pastor, pond, preacher, priest, rivers, road, sea, smiles, stream, travel, trip, vehicle, water, woman
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A local priest and pastor were fishing on the side of the road.
.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying, “The End is Near!
.
Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.
.
One driver that drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them:
. “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!” .
All of a sudden they heard a big SPLASH! The priest and the pastor Read More
May 31 2011