Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: anger, anxiety, bird, class, classroom, college, depression, designer, difference, duty, emotions, exam, eyes, fashion, fool, funny, genius, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, language, laughter, legs, life, man, moment, moron, mountain, others, Professor, school, smiles, stress, student, style, suit, surprise, task, teacher, test, thought, tutor, university, voice, woman, words, work
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Legs
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A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his
zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw
ten stands with ten pairs of legs on them. Each bird had a sack
over its head; only the legs were showing.
.
He sat in the front row because he wanted to do the best job
possible. The professor announced that the test would be to
look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name,
habitat, genus and species.
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The student looked at each of the birds’ legs.
They all looked the same to him.
He began to get upset.
.
He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify
birds by their legs.
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The more he thought about it the madder he got.
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Finally he could stand it no longer.
He went up to the professor’s desk and said,
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May 19 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: accident, advice, age, aim, air, anger, babies, baby, beacon, beauty, belief, bell, bells, Bible, blessings, bliss, bouquet, breath, bridge, brilliance, burden, cancer, candle, candles, care, cemetery, challenge, check, Christ, clerk, cloud, clouds, cold, color, colors, comfort, Comforter, companion, concentration, couple, courage, creek, cross, cure, dad, depression, destination, divorce, doctor, drugs, encouragement, era, exam, experience, eyes, faith, family, father, feeling, feelings, fire, flame, florist, flowers, focus, force, friends, friendship, funds, gas, gem, gems, genuine, ghost, glory, goal, God, goodness, grace, gratitude, guidance, gynecologist, hair, hairstyle, happiness, healing, health, heart, highway, history, holiday, holidays, home, House, husband, ice, inspiration, Jesus, journey, joy, King, language, laughter, learning, lesson, letter, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, load, Lord, love, mail, man, marriage, Mathematics, might, mind, moment, money, mountain, noise, obituary, ocean, others, pain, partner, path, perfection, period, phone, physician, power, prayer, promise, quiz, rain, rainbow, reading, Redeemer, rivers, rose, roses, Savior, sea, shape, shapes, sheep, shepherd, size, smiles, son, sound, source, specialist, spouse, spring, stream, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, surgeon, surprise, teaching, test, thankfulness, Thanksgiving, thorn, thorns, thought, time, tips, torch, touch, travel, treasure, trials, tribulation, trip, triumph, triumphs, truck, trust, truth, vacation, value, vehicle, victory, voice, water, weight, wife, wind, woman, wonder, words, worries, worry
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The Blessing Of Thorns
=======================
..
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed
against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had
been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of
her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her
ease.
..
During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son.
She grieved over her loss. As if that weren’t enough, her
husband’s company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose
annual holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not
come.
..
What’s worse, Sandra’s friend infuriated her by suggesting her
grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to
empathize with others who suffer. “She has no idea what I’m
feeling,” thought Sandra with a shudder.
..
“Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?” she wondered aloud. For a
careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-
ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of
her child?
..
“Good afternoon, can I help you?”
..
The shop clerk’s approach startled her.
..
“I….I need an arrangement, “stammered Sandra. “For
Thanksgiving?
..
Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to
challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the
Thanksgiving Special?” asked the shop clerk.
..
“I’m convinced that flowers tell stories,” she continued.
..
“Are you looking for something that conveys ‘gratitude’ this
Thanksgiving?
..
“Not exactly!” Sandra blurted out. “In the last five months,
everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. ” Sandra
regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk
said, “I have the perfect arrangement for you.”
..
Then the door’s small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, “Hi
Barbara…let me get your order.” She politely excused herself
and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared,
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Apr 06 2010
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, anger, baby, birthday, duty, family, finance, funny, granny, hilarious, home, House, humor, job, jokes, language, laughter, life, man, money, mother, mother-in-law, rain, smiles, talent, task, time, understanding, voice, water, woman, words, work
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Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
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Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
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Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
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Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
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Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
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Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
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Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
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Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
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Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
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Aug 09 2009
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: anger, boss, check, clerk, cold, cough, cure, doctor, duty, employee, employer, fool, funds, funny, healing, health, hilarious, hospital, humor, idiot, job, jokes, labor, laughter, man, manager, medication, medicine, money, moron, nurse, office, pharmacist, pharmacy, prescription, short, smiles, stupid, sugar, supervisor, task, woman, work
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against a wall. The owner goes inside and asks his clerk what’s up.
“He wanted something for his cough, but I couldn’t find the cough syrup,” the clerk explains. “So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at once.”
“Laxatives won’t cure a cough, you idiot,” the owner shouts angrily.
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Apr 25 2009
Posted: under Dumb Blonde Jokes.
Tags: age, air, anger, attention, attorney, blonde, boss, check, computer, congressman, court, earth, employee, employer, era, exam, eyes, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, gratitude, hands, history, humor, idiot, internet, jokes, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, manager, Mathematics, money, moon, moron, New York, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, sleep, smiles, stupid, supervisor, test, thankfulness, time, universe, words, world
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa.”
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.”
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Apr 19 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, anger, art, artist, attorney, bank, blood, brain, brunette, cemetery, child, children, class, classroom, color, colors, commandment, commandments, dad, devil, doctor, duty, era, exam, exercise, eyes, family, father, fish, fishing, food, fruit, fruits, funds, funny, ghost, girl, granny, gynecologist, hair, hell, history, home, honor, House, humor, job, jokes, labor, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, lesson, loan, lunch, Mathematics, money, mother, mother-in-law, noise, nun, obituary, pencil, period, photos, physician, quiz, reading, reason, sandwich, satan, school, smiles, snack, snacks, sound, specialist, sugar, Sunday, surgeon, tablecloth, task, teacher, test, time, treats, voice, water, words, work
Reason 1
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.
Reason 2
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”
The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
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Apr 19 2009