Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
Tags: action, age, argument, cemetery, Chinese, community, companion, couple, day, elderly, experience, eyes, family, fashion, fragrance, friends, ghost, gift, home, House, husband, inspiration, job, language, life, listening, message, neighbor, neighborhood, New York, New York City, occasion, others, partner, peace, perfume, present, promise, seniors, soul, source, spouse, style, task, time, today, voice, wife, words, work
Let’s all remember to take the time to LIVE!!!!
…
A friend of mine opened his wife’s underwear drawer and picked up a
silk paper wrapped package:
‘This, he said - isn’t any ordinary package.’
He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.
‘She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago.
She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.
Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift
box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house,
his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: argument, cemetery, companion, couple, dinner, funny, ghost, golf, hand, hands, hilarious, husband, jokes, language, marriage, obituary, partner, photos, sleep, sound, spouse, surprise, tool, tools, wife, words
WIFE: “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”
HUBBIE: “Definitely not!”
…
WIFE: “Why not - don’t you like being married?”
HUBBIE: “Of course I do.”
…
WIFE: “Then why wouldn’t you remarry?”
HUBBIE: “Okay, I’d get married again.”
…
WIFE: “You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).”
HUBBIE: (makes audible groan).
…
Jan 22 2009
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: accident, action, advice, age, aim, anxiety, argument, assurance, attitude, behavior, belief, blessings, bliss, body, bridge, burden, Christ, comfort, concentration, courage, cross, depression, destination, destiny, direction, duty, encouragement, era, example, eyes, faith, focus, force, future, gift, goal, God, grace, happiness, heart, Heaven, highway, history, home, hope, House, inspiration, instruction, instructions, Jesus, job, journey, joy, kindness, King, knowledge, labor, language, learning, lesson, life, lifestyle, lifetime, light, lips, listening, load, Lord, love, lovingkindness, man, map, mercy, might, moment, morning, ocean, others, pain, path, peace, perception, period, phone, power, preparation, present, promise, rain, rainbow, reason, Redeemer, relaxation, rest, reward, rivers, road, Savior, sea, sheep, shepherd, sign, sleep, sound, storm, stream, strength, stress, struggles, sunshine, task, teacher, teaching, time, tips, token, tour, travel, trip, trust, truth, understanding, victory, vision, voice, war, water, weight, wisdom, woman, words, work, worries, worry
We complain about the cross we bear
but don’t realize it is preparing us for the dip in the
road that God can see and we cannot.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain….
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God’s always ready, to answer your call….
Read More
Nov 13 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, argument, bank, body, car, check, chic, classic, companion, couple, designer, earth, era, exercise, fashion, funds, funny, garden, gift, hand, hands, hilarious, history, home, House, humor, husband, jokes, lake, land, laughter, leather, license, man, memory, model, money, morning, ocean, palace, partner, period, phone, pond, pool, present, rivers, salesman, sea, smiles, spouse, style, surprise, time, token, traffic, vehicle, water, wife, woman
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
“Hello?”
“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?”
“Only $1,500.00.”
“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much … ”
“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price … and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year … ”
“What price did he quote you?”
“Only $60,000 … ”
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
“Great! But before we hang up, something else … ”
“What?”
Read More
Oct 15 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: aid, alcohol, argument, bank, baptism, Baptist, bar, beaches, beacon, beer, Bible, bishop, Bubba, candle, car, cemetery, champagne, check, christmas, church, classic, color, colors, contribution, deer, designer, dog, donation, drunk, Easter, fashion, finance, fire, fish, fishing, flame, fool, funds, funny, ghost, gift, gin, hilarious, holiday, humor, icon, idiot, Jesus, jokes, lake, lamb, language, laughter, legend, light, liquor, loan, man, Mathematics, minister, model, money, moron, music, musician, obituary, ocean, pastor, perception, photos, play, pond, pool, pope, prayer, preacher, present, priest, pub, rain, rainbow, redneck, reverend, rivers, rum, Santa, Santa Claus, scotch, sea, season, sheep, sign, singer, smiles, sound, stupid, style, surprise, tequila, token, tool, tools, truck, vodka, water, weather, weight, whiskey, wine, woman, words
The Call to Worship is, “Y’all come on in!”
The Bible’s used mostly to create loud noises.
The collection plates are hub caps from a ‘56 Chevy.
The pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering.” Then five guys and two women stand up
The baptismal fountain is a #2 galvanized washtub.
Baptism is referred to as “branding.”
Saltines and Boone Farm wine are used for communion.
The choir is known as the “OK Chorale.”
The choir robes were donated and embroidered with the logo from “Billy Bob’s Barbecue.”
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
The pastor’s colorful shoes have a visible “8 1/2″ on the back.
You hear long prayers complaining about the weather and beer prices.
Holiday church decorations include Santa and the Easter Bunny.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
Congregation grumbles about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable.
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ‘em.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because, “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of.”
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank.
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
The church bulletin has the NASCAR schedule printed on the back.
The final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, yah hear?”
The picture of Jesus looks a lot like Elvis!
Oct 07 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, argument, chance, eyes, fool, funny, future, gratitude, hilarious, humor, idiot, jokes, language, laughter, man, meaning, moment, moron, reason, smiles, thankfulness, time, tips, truth, voice, woman, words
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
…
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
…
NOTHING
This means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine”
…
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”
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GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
…
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”
…
SOFT SIGH
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Sep 29 2008