Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, air, attention, attorney, bank, check, classic, computer, dictionary, difference, dumb, earth, era, exam, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, history, humor, idiot, internet, Jamaican, jokes, land, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, money, moon, moron, nut, nuts, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, play, quiz, sleep, smiles, sound, stupid, test, time, universe, voice, wealth, words
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This is hilarious! A true classic.
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A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy… So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
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The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
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‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.’
This catches the Jamaican’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
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The lawyer asks the first question.
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‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the moon?’
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The Jamaican doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
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Now, it’s the Jamaican’s turn.
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He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
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Feb 07 2012
Posted: under "When You're Down to Nothing God's UP to Something", Inspirationals.
Tags: achievements, actions, anxiety, attention, belief, benefits, blessings, bliss, boss, change, character, child, comfort, courage, depression, development, direction, employee, employer, faith, family, friends, God, guidance, guide, happiness, health, inspiration, jail, job, journey, joy, law, learning, lessons, life, man, manager, Mathematics, moment, money, motivation, others, parents, patient, perfection, protection, psalm, relationship, road, rules, scripture, stress, success, task, test, touch, travel, trust, value, woman, work
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5 Ways God Uses Problems
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The problems you face will either defeat you or develop you – depending on how you respond to them.
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Unfortunately, most people fail to see how God wants to use problems for good in their lives. They react foolishly and resent their problems rather than pausing to consider what benefit they might bring. .
Here are five ways God wants to use the problems in your life:
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1. God uses problems to DIRECT you.
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Sometimes God must light a fire under you to get you moving. Problems often point us in a new direction and motivate us to change. Is God trying to get your attention?
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Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways. (Read Proverbs 20:30)
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2. God uses problems to INSPECT you.
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People are like tea bags…if you want to know what’s inside them, just drop them into hot ever water! Has God tested your faith with a problem What do problems reveal about you?
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When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. (Read James 1:2-3)
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3. God uses problems to CORRECT you.
Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. Sometimes we only learn the value of something…health, money, a relationship… by losing it.
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It was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taught me to pay attention to Your laws. (Read Psalm 119:71-72)
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4. God uses problems to PROTECT you.
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A problem can be a blessing in disguise if it prevents you from being harmed by something more serious. Last year a friend was fired for refusing to do something unethical that his boss had
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May 02 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", "LOVE is LOVELY".
Tags: age, aim, attention, beauty, bliss, bus, car, care, charity, check, christmas, church, colors, companion, contribution, couple, donation, elderly, fashion, gift, goal, happiness, home, House, husband, inspiration, jail, job, journey, joy, life, love, man, minister, miracle, money, music, neighborhood, New York, opportunities, partner, pastor, preacher, present, priest, rain, road, seniors, sermon, service, snow, spirit, spouse, style, tablecloth, task, time, traffic, travel, vehicle, water, wife, woman, work
True Story:
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The brand new pastor and his wife, newly assigned in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve. They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc, and on December 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished.
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On December 19 a terrible tempest - a driving rainstorm hit the area and lasted for two days.
On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business was having a flea market type sale for charity so he stopped in. One of the items was a beautiful, handmade, ivory colour, crocheted tablecloth with
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Apr 13 2011
Posted: under "Jamaica Labrish Korner", Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, attention, beaches, beauty, behavior, Big Boy, blacks, Caribbean, carnival, celebration, children, community, contest, cop, country, culture, custom, dancer, dialect, dreadlocks, elderly, example, fashion, festival, fun, funny, funtime, future, game, hairstyle, hilarious, history, humor, independence, island, Jamaica, Jamaican, jokes, journey, labrish, land, language, laughter, license, life, lifestyle, man, memories, morals, neighborhood, Ocho Rios, officer, patois, patrolman, police, pride, queen, rastafarian, rastaman, respect, road, role model, seniors, sheriff, smiles, sport, St Ann, style, television, time, travel, treats, trip, trooper, value, values, vehicle, vernacular, waterfalls, woman, words, youth
“SWEET, SWEET JAMAICA”
Waterfall at “The Ruins” in Ocho Rios, Jamaica
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I GUESS I may be getting just a teeny-weeny bit old, because I can remember when it was considered
rude to whistle in front of adults, the biggest bad words pickney used to cuss were ‘blouse and skirt’,'rahtid’ and ‘blow-wow’; and slackness was talking big bwoy stories.
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I am probably not so young anymore, I guess, because I can remember when people used to charter JOS bus to go to outing at Gunboat beach. And the beach dem was clean! And bad boys were the ones riding skate, and playing marbles and racing board horse in the gutter water after rain... I remember when children were afraid of Johnkunnu - now even police fraid a pickney, ’cause pickney a shotta!
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Call me archaic, but I remember when school children never had such a wide range of colourfully creative
chemical concoctions and toxic adventures to choose from such as sweets and snacks. For example, I saw one
recently marked cheese tricks and when you read the fine print carefully, you realized that the ingredients did not include any cheese - so-so tricks!
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But I suppose it must be old age, because I also remember that children used to eat jackfruit, juneplum, naseberry, guinep, hogplum and tinkin toe; we used to relish treats like bustamante-backbone, drops, gizzada, toto, cut-cake and grater-cake. MEN USED TO DANCE WITH WOMEN after asking if they could have this dance!!
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I must be clearly approaching dinosaur status, because I can vividly recall a period when independence time meant street dance on every corner, and we never had to import carnival to have revelling in the streets, and float parades were magnificent. I must have come from them dark ages, but I remember when man used to go party to dance with woman, not to “par wid man”, and women never had to walk naked to get attention.
“Miss Jamaica Festival Queen 2008″
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But I am not quite ready for the rocking chair and adult diapers just yet. No papa! Still, I remember when Rasta was a lifestyle. Now dreadlocks is a hairstyle. I remember
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Apr 02 2010
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: attention, belief, care, challenges, comfort, control, conversation, faith, feeling, friends, God, graduation, guidance, home, journey, laughter, life, Lord, love, Memorial Day, memories, nature, peace, picnic, protection, psalm, road, school, scripture, security, tranquility, trust
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I have a fond memory of the love of my life and me taking a walk in the woods shortly after high school graduation. We were attending a Memorial Day weekend picnic with some friends of his and we broke away from the group to take a stroll through the woods. I don’t recall the name of the park we were in, but I do know that I had never been there before. As we walked, talked and laughed our way through a pathway that was unfamiliar to me, I was engrossed in our conversation and was looking down. I remember feeling like I was in the one of the most peaceful and tranquil settings when suddenly, my friend stopped, stepped in front of me and gently pushed me back. I didn’t know why until I looked up. I was about to run smack into a large branch that was eye-level and probably would have rendered me unconscious.
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Shocked, I looked up at him as he asked, “Didn’t you see that branch?” I had not. I was not paying attention to where I was going. I was blindly following this young man that I loved and trusted. I felt comfortable and secure with him. I knew that he cared for me and that he would get me safely back to our group.
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That memory of trusting someone and feeling protected is not unlike our walk with God. In faith, we allow God to take control of our lives and lead us on journeys, through the unfamiliar pathways and woods of life. We put our trust in Him knowing that He will not
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: airport, attention, celebration, comfort, conference, core, country, decision, direction, efforts, experience, focus, friends, harbor, history, hotel, humility, inspiration, laughter, lesson, life, memorial, mission, moment, motivation, progress, reality, relaxation, success, thought, value, values, vision
Why are core values critical to our success in business and in life? Because our values are critical guides for making important decisions. And when in doubt they cut through the fog like a beacon in the night.
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John Blumberg has written the best book we’ve ever read on how we build value…with values. And if there was ever a time in the history of this great country that we need to re-visit our core values…the time is NOW.
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Enjoy an excerpt from John’s book, Good to the Core…Building Value with Values.
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An Excerpt from
Good to the Core
by John Blumberg
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U.S.S. Arizona Memorial, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii
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I was in Honolulu to speak at a large national conference. I scheduled an extra day onto the trip since I had never been to Honolulu and because a few great friends were also at the conference. The day after the conference, we awoke at the crack of dawn to visit Pearl Harbor. As we stood above and looked down upon the sunken USS Arizona, the depth of our experience came to life. It was moving and humbling.
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Upon our return to the hotel, I had some time to spare before departing to the airport. A couple of my friends and I decided to rent a raft large enough to hold three adults. We targeted the white-capped waves, out in the distance, as our destination. With the incoming waves, we had a hard time getting away from the shore. At first, there seemed to be enormous momentum keeping us “grounded.” Slowly, but surely, we began to make progress. It seemed to get easier. We eventually got within a few feet of the whitecaps and decided to board our raft and relax as a celebration of our efforts. It was in our moment of pause that we felt the reality
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