Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: age, air, attention, attorney, bank, check, classic, computer, dictionary, difference, dumb, earth, era, exam, flight, fool, friends, friendship, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, global, globe, hand, hands, hilarious, history, humor, idiot, internet, Jamaican, jokes, land, language, laughter, lawyer, legs, letter, mail, money, moon, moron, nut, nuts, online, passenger, period, phone, plane, play, quiz, sleep, smiles, sound, stupid, test, time, universe, voice, wealth, words
.
This is hilarious! A true classic.
.
A lawyer and a Jamaican are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that Jamaicans are so dumb that he can fool them easy… So the lawyer asks if the Jamaican would like to play a fun game.
.
The Jamaican is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun.
.
‘I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5; You ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.’
This catches the Jamaican’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
.
The lawyer asks the first question.
.
‘What’s the distance from The Earth to the moon?’
.
The Jamaican doesn’t say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
.
Now, it’s the Jamaican’s turn.
.
He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
Read More
Feb 07 2012
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes, Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: abroad, accident, Africa, age, air, alcohol, America, attorney, awards, bar, beaches, beer, brandy, breakfast, bus, car, champagne, check, cheer, clerk, cold, cop, court, destination, dinner, doctor, dumb, era, family, finger, fingers, fire, food, fool, foreign, friends, friendship, funds, funny, gas, gin, glory, health, hilarious, history, home, honor, hospital, hotel, House, humor, ice, idiot, insurance, jail, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, letter, license, liquor, magic, mail, man, Mathematics, memory, money, moron, motel, New York, nurse, officer, passenger, path, patient, patrolman, period, photos, physician, police, pub, restaurant, road, robber, rum scotch, sheriff, short, smiles, snack, snacks, snow, specialist, stupid, surgeon, tequila, ticket, time, tool, tools, traffic, train, travel, treats, trooper, vehicle, vodka, whiskey, wind, wine, winner, winter, woman, youth
.
The Darwins are out !!!!
.
Yes … it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
.
Here is the glorious winner:
.
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
.
And now, the honorable mentions:
.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3
days.
.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
.
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his
Read More
Feb 06 2012
Posted: under Short Funny Jokes.
Tags: accident, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, bliss, bus, car, champagne, chance, check, cold, companion, couple, court, day, diet, drunk, eyes, family, funny, gin, hands, happiness, health, hilarious, home, House, humor, husband, ice, jokes, journey, joy, judge, language, laughter, lawyer, licence, license, liquor, man, Mathematics, money, morning, New York, partner, path, pub, rain, recipe, road, rum, scotch, season, short, smiles, snow, spouse, tequila, time, traffic, travel, truck, vehicle, vodka, weather, whiskey, wife, wine, winter, woman, words
Add a teaspoon of it
To your diet each day
.
.
My sister said its so cold where she is
that she saw a lawyer with his hands
in his own pockets……..brrrrrrr!
><><
Its been said that 95% of drivers skidding on snow slickened roads say,
”Oh my God”. The other 5% are from Buffalo, NY and say,
Read More
Oct 29 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, brain, champagne, companion, couple, court, drunk, elderly, exam, fool, funny, gin, granny, hilarious, humor, husband, idiot, jail, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, liquor, man, moron, mother, mother-in-law, office, partner, practice, relationship, rules, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, spouse, tequila, test, vodka, voice, whiskey, wife, wine, woman, words, youth
. . . Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. . .
.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
..
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ ..
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal
Read More
Jun 21 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", "LOVE is LOVELY", Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
Tags: age, attorney, beauty, bliss, care, child, compassion, court, earth, elderly, enthusiasm, example, eyes, glamour, granny, happiness, home, House, humanity, Inspirationals, joy, judge, kindness, language, law, lawyer, life, love, magazine, man, mirror, moment, mother, mother-in-law, others, parent, reflection, role model, rules, seniors, smiles, spirit, trust, truth, universe, vision, voice, woman, words, world
.
You Are Beautiful
==================
.
You are beautiful. . .
.
It’s a phrase that my mother uses a lot.. I used to wonder, “How in the world can Mother call them
beautiful?”
.
I am a logical, statistical man.
I call things as I see them.
I didn’t see beauty.
.
My mother would tell people this with an enthusiasm they
could feel. She was genuine. She wasn’t telling them they
were beautiful to get something from them. Most of the
time, they were trying to get something from her.
.
I wondered for years what was wrong with Mother’s perception and
vision. Couldn’t she see that all of the people she called
beautiful, weren’t beautiful?
.
You were beautiful only if you had a certain figure and face
that was classed as beautiful by the laws of the world and
glamour. Yet when my mother spoke, people smiled as though
Glamour magazine had listed them as one of the beautiful people
of the year.
.
It took me years to finally understand my mother’s vision
and the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
.
My mother had a spirit that could see the beauty in a person. .Most only look on the outside and then compare what they
Read More
May 08 2011
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: attorney, cop, court, dialect, food, funny, hilarious, honor, humor, Jamaica, Jamaican, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, man, money, officer, patois, patrolman, police, rules, sheriff, smiles, sugar, treats, trooper, vernacular, words
.
A Jamaican man went into a store and picked up a bottle of juice and a bag of sugar and only paid for the juice and walked out………he got arrested for stealing the sugar.
He went to court, the judge asked him why he stole the sugar……….he then replied,
“Yuh Honor, mi nah tief no sugar…..mi look pon de back ah de juice
Read More
May 05 2011