Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, brain, champagne, companion, couple, court, drunk, elderly, exam, fool, funny, gin, granny, hilarious, humor, husband, idiot, jail, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, liquor, man, moron, mother, mother-in-law, office, partner, practice, relationship, rules, rum, scotch, seniors, smiles, spouse, tequila, test, vodka, voice, whiskey, wife, wine, woman, words, youth
. . . Mississippi grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. . .
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In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’
..
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ ..
She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal
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Jun 21 2011
Posted: under "DID YOU KNOW", "LOVE is LOVELY", Advice & Tips, Inspirationals.
Tags: age, attorney, beauty, bliss, care, child, compassion, court, earth, elderly, enthusiasm, example, eyes, glamour, granny, happiness, home, House, humanity, Inspirationals, joy, judge, kindness, language, law, lawyer, life, love, magazine, man, mirror, moment, mother, mother-in-law, others, parent, reflection, role model, rules, seniors, smiles, spirit, trust, truth, universe, vision, voice, woman, words, world
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You Are Beautiful
==================
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You are beautiful. . .
.
It’s a phrase that my mother uses a lot.. I used to wonder, “How in the world can Mother call them
beautiful?”
.
I am a logical, statistical man.
I call things as I see them.
I didn’t see beauty.
.
My mother would tell people this with an enthusiasm they
could feel. She was genuine. She wasn’t telling them they
were beautiful to get something from them. Most of the
time, they were trying to get something from her.
.
I wondered for years what was wrong with Mother’s perception and
vision. Couldn’t she see that all of the people she called
beautiful, weren’t beautiful?
.
You were beautiful only if you had a certain figure and face
that was classed as beautiful by the laws of the world and
glamour. Yet when my mother spoke, people smiled as though
Glamour magazine had listed them as one of the beautiful people
of the year.
.
It took me years to finally understand my mother’s vision
and the phrase, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
.
My mother had a spirit that could see the beauty in a person. .Most only look on the outside and then compare what they
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May 08 2011
Posted: under Jamaican Jokes.
Tags: attorney, cop, court, dialect, food, funny, hilarious, honor, humor, Jamaica, Jamaican, jokes, judge, language, laughter, law, lawyer, man, money, officer, patois, patrolman, police, rules, sheriff, smiles, sugar, treats, trooper, vernacular, words
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A Jamaican man went into a store and picked up a bottle of juice and a bag of sugar and only paid for the juice and walked out………he got arrested for stealing the sugar.
He went to court, the judge asked him why he stole the sugar……….he then replied,
“Yuh Honor, mi nah tief no sugar…..mi look pon de back ah de juice
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May 05 2011
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: attorney, blossoms, color, companion, cop, couple, court, enlightenment, eyes, family, home, husband, inspiration, judge, law, lawyer, light, man, memory, mind, moment, money, mountain, officer, others, parents, partner, passport, patrolman, police, rules, sheriff, spirit, spouse, trooper, visa, wife, woman
Look Into Your Eyes
====================
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I was online to renew my passport.
.
I answered question after question. Most were simple questions
that were easily answered, but then it got to a hard one.
.
What color are your eyes?
.
I didn’t know the answer!
.
Now you may ask, “What kind of man doesn’t know what color his
eyes are?”
.
Were my eyes black or brown?
.
I honestly didn’t know. I’m sure that I once did, but I
certainly
wouldn’t bet a large sum of money on a guess right then.
I couldn’t remember what color my eyes were.
.
It reminded me of the lawyer cross-examining a witness in court
and to prove that his memory was unreliable, he put his hand on
the man’s neck shielding his tie from his view and asked him,
“What color tie do you have on?”
.
Needless to say, the witness didn’t know. I hear you saying,
“But your eye color isn’t like that tie!” Well, actually it
was, because I didn’t know what color they were.
.
My wife was out of town with the kids visiting her parents.
I was the only one in the house. So I did what any man would do
who couldn’t remember his eye color and didn’t have anyone
close who could look into his eyes and tell him.
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Oct 07 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, army, attorney, bank, bouquet, car, challenge, check, college, company, court, daffodil, earth, fax, flowers, funds, funny, global, globe, granny, hands, hilarious, hotel, humor, jokes, journey, judge, laughter, lawyer, logistic, Mathematics, Memorial Day, military, money, morning, motel, mother, mother-in-law, party, path, phone, president, road, rose, roses, smiles, soldier, time, tips, traffic, travel, trust, universe, vehicle, veteran, war, wealth, wedding, woman, world
Phone won’t stop ringing? Here’s what you do…
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.
The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.
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From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.
Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.
The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else’s calls 24 hours a day didn’t make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.
At 9 o’clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for
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Aug 01 2009
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: alcohol, attorney, bar, beer, brandy, Bubba, champagne, court, food, funny, gin, health, hilarious, humor, jokes, judge, laughter, law, lawyer, man, redneck, restaurant, rules, rum, scotch, sleep, smiles, tequila, whiskey, wine, woman
Somewhere in the deep South, Bubba called an attorney and asked, “Is it true they’re suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer?”
“Yes, Bubba, that is true.”
“And people are suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries … is that true, mister lawyer?”
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Jun 20 2009
