Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Inspirationals.
Tags: ability, bat, care, challenges, faith, generosity, habit, inspiration, Jesus, kindness, life, love, prayer, solution, trust
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The Buzzard:
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If you put a buzzard in a pen that is 6 feet by 8 feet and is entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of its ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of 10 to 12 feet. Without space to run, as is its habit, it will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
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The Bat:
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The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
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The Bumblebee:
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A bumblebee, if dropped into an open tumbler, will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: army, bat, blood, body, chance, check, dance, dinner, food, fruit, fruits, funds, funny, future, ghost, halloween, hand, hilarious, holiday, humor, insurance, jokes, journey, laughter, life, meal, money, monster, navy, party, path, phone, road, smiles, soldier, sport, teeth, traffic, travel, treats, trip, vacation, vampire
Q - What is a vampire’s least favorite meal?
A - Stake !!
Q - What do vampires enjoy most about baseball?
A - The bats (and the double-headers)
Q - What kind of toothpaste do vampires buy?
A - Ultra-Bite.
Q - What does a monster wear when it rains?
A - His ghoul-oshes.
Q - How did the monster predict his future?
A - With a horror-scope.
Q - What did the monster do when he lost his hand?
A - He went to a second hand store.
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Oct 31 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bat, blossoms, cat, eyes, funny, goblin, halloween, hilarious, home, House, humor, ingredients, jokes, lake, laughter, pond, rivers, season, smiles, time, water
(You may find some of these ingredients hard to come by. Even the best-supplied kitchens occasionally run short of hawk toenails. And grubs and maggots are at times out of season. We’ve thought of some substitutions that may yield acceptable results. They’re in parentheses.)* 1 1/4 pound ground goblin gizzards (ground beef, 15% fat)
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* 1 medium eye of Cyclops (onion)
* 1 15-ounce can soft-shelled beetles, drained–beetle juice is to be avoided (kidney beans)
* 1 28-ounce can blood of bat (V-8 juice)
* 1/8 teaspoon pureed wasp (prepared mustard)
* 1/4 teaspoon common dried weed (oregano)
* 1 dash Red-tailed hawk toenails (crushed red pepper)
* 2 teaspoon ground sumac blossom (chili powder)
* 1 teaspoon hemlock (honey or sugar)
Oct 30 2008
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bat, beer, bus, butt, car, cemetery, coffee, duty, fun, funny, ghost, goblin, halloween, happiness, hilarious, humor, Irish, job, jokes, journey, labor, language, laughter, license, light, man, morning, others, path, pumpkin, rectum, road, smiles, task, ticket, traffic, treats, trick, trip, truck, vampire, vehicle, woman, words, work
Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a stoplight picking
his nose.
Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in
your throat.
Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.
Full Moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to
fix your fridge.
Goblin: How you eat the Snickers bars you got for Halloween.
Invisible Man: What a guy becomes when there’s housework to
be done.
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Oct 15 2008
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life".
Tags: abroad, action, activities, aid, America, American, army, bat, belief, check, children, companion, computer, contribution, couple, dad, difference, dinner, donation, encouragement, faith, family, father, financial, foreign, friends, funds, gift, home, House, husband, inspiration, internet, job, language, life, love, man, memories, message, military, money, mother, neighbor, neighborhood, online, others, parents, partner, present, resources, salesman, service, sleep, soldier, specialist, spirit, spouse, Sunday, task, teacher, television, time, troops, trust, understanding, voice, war, wife, woman, words, work
All stories copyright 2008 Bob Perks
Today’s message:
“Remember, yours, mine and hours”
by Bob Perks
..
You can read all about them.
You see them on television daily.
But what about those who love them?
Soldiers.
I have forced myself to watch news reports of units being
deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. I say “forced” because
it always pains me. You know I hate goodbyes.
I run to the television when I hear about a returning soldier or
unit. You couldn’t stop me from smiling if you hit me with a
baseball bat. I love happy endings.
Until last weekend though, I had never been up close, face to
face with anyone who had served over there or whose loved
one was presently deployed there.
I was about to speak to nearly one hundred family members of
the New Jersey National Guard. Their loved ones just left a few
days before.
What could I say that would make a difference?
“I could only imagine.” No, I couldn’t.
“I understand how you must feel.” I couldn’t possibly.
“This time will go by fast.” Being away from someone you love
never goes by fast.
So, I opened by saying “I believe in you!”
I do. I believe in the God Who created each of us and I know
what we are all capable of. But someone needs to remind us.
At 1800 hours I was to have dinner with the families and staff
of the Family Readiness Group. I love military time. It
clearly reminds me of exactly how many hours I have lived or
wasted each day. 1800 is 6:00 p.m. telling me 18 hours has
passed. “What have you done with them?”
Having met most of the people at my table earlier in the day,
I didn’t need to go about the introductions. I got to listen.
Go stand in a crowd of people. Look around you. They look
like ordinary, regular folks.
So do the military. If it weren’t for the uniforms, you would just
think they were teachers, plumbers, cooks, or insurance
salesmen.
They are in fact, your neighbors, friends and perhaps your loved
ones. The difference is, when they go to work they are protecting
your life, your rights, your children and they are putting their lives
on the line for it all.
But what about the families left behind. Wives, husbands, girl/boy
friends, mothers and fathers are all back here counting the 2400 hours
that pass by ever so slowly while we all go about our day living the life
they are protecting.
I stood up to speak to them.
I am asking you to stand up and speak “for” them.
In New Jersey and every state in America, there are family gatherings
unlike anything you have experienced. These families are separated
from those they love. They meet, plan, organize and quietly raise funds
to provide services, resources, support and activities for the children and
spouses of deployed military.
Whether you agree with the war or not, it makes no difference. These
are our families, your families, your neighbors or friends.
Find them. Reach out and offer your help, financially, spiritually,
and personally.
As I spoke that Sunday morning at 0900 hours, I opened with my piece
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Sep 10 2008
Posted: under "A Slice Of Life".
Tags: ability, anxiety, bat, bird, color, depression, flight, gold, habit, jail, life, light, man, Mathematics, nature, others, prayer, reason, space, stress, test, woman
by Unknown
.
If you put a buzzard in a pen six or eight feet square and entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of his ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of ten or twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit, he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
.
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
.
A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the
Read More
Aug 17 2008