Posted: under "A Slice Of Life", Funny Poetry, Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: anger, art, attitude, behavior, belt, body, butt, car, check, child, children, class, classroom, computer, control, depression, dinner, duty, earrings, education, educator, exam, example, eyes, fashion, food, freedom, funds, funny, God, granny, hairstyle, hands, hilarious, home, House, hug, hugs, humor, influence, internet, job, jokes, kisses, labor, lake, language, laughter, law, learning, lesson, life, lunch, moment, money, moral, mother, mother-in-law, mountain, movie, ocean, online, pants, parent, pastor, phone, pond, pool, prayer, preacher, priest, Professor, reading, recipe, rectum, reverend, rivers, road, role model, rules, school, sea, service, smiles, snack, snacks, stream, stress, style, task, teacher, television, test, today, touch, traffic, travel, treats, tutor, values, vehicle, voice, water, waterfall, waterfalls, words, work
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Don’t Mess with Mom
====================
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My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He’d decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.
~*~
“Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that’s taught by Mr. Wright?
It’s all about the laws today,
The “Children’s Bill of Rights.”
~*~
It says I need not clean my room,
don’t have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.
~*~
I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don’t have to bow my head,
and I sure don’t have to pray.
~*~
I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
and get tattoos from head to toes.
~*~
And if you ever spank me,
I’ll charge you with the crime.
I’ll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.
~*~
Don’t you ever touch me,
my body’s only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that’s just more child abuse.
~*~
Don’t preach about your morals,
like your mama did to you.
That’s nothing more than mind control,
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Dec 04 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: boy, butt, cop, funny, hand, hilarious, humor, jokes, kisses, laughter, officer, patrolman, policeman, rectum, sheriff, short, smiles, tool, tools, trooper
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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one
hand and a squirrel in the other.
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“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “whatever you do to
that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to
you.”
.
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May 31 2011
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: age, assignment, axe, butt, car, check, class, classroom, companion, dinner, doctor, family, fun, funds, funny, funtime, game, Games, girl, granny, hilarious, home, homework, hotel, House, humor, husband, income, jail, jewelry, jokes, journey, language, laughter, Mathematics, money, mother, mother-in-law, officer, partner, penis, prostitute, rectum, road, rolex, sleep, smiles, sport, sports, spouse, tool, tools, travel, trip, whore, wife, words
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Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy’s homework assignment.
He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence ..*
……….
1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
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2. Dictate – My girfriend say my dictate good.
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3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
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4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
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Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: accident, belt, butt, car, christmas, companion, computer, couple, dinner, doctor, food, funny, game, gravy, hilarious, humor, husband, internet, job, jokes, laughter, license, nurse, online, partner, rectum, restaurant, smiles, sports, spouse, task, television, Thanksgiving, traffic, turkey, vehicle, wife, work
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1. You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses
2. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy
3. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian
4. The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12′ boat !
5. The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland
6. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down
7. Your “Big Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist
8.* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail
9. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: bar, beer, butt, champagne, drinks, drunk, funny, gin, hilarious, humor, jokes, laughter, man, New York City, personality, rum, scotch, smiles, vodka, whiskey, wine, woman
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman’s personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:
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Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
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Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
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Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants.
Posted: under Funny and Hilarious Jokes.
Tags: advice, Africa, age, aid, America, aroma, butt, car, channel, computer, doctor, elderly, era, eyes, family, food, fragrance, friends, funny, granny, hairdo, hairstyle, hand, hands, hilarious, history, hospital, hotel, humor, husband, internet, Jamaica, Jamaican, jokes, laughter, man, money, mother-in-law, movie, movies, neighbor, odor, online, perfume, phone, recipe, rectum, scent, seniors, sex, smiles, time, tips, updo, vehicle, wishes, woman
I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
..
I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
..
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Apr 28 2009